Proof in the positive

In my excitement to take a test this morning, I dropped it in the toilet. FAIL. It was my last "early" pregnancy test so I went back to bed. Later this afternoon, right before we headed to the grocery store I thought I would try again.

Right away, a faint blue line appeared. Baby #2 is on its way!! Since then, the line on the test has definitely faded more, which is unfortunate, because you probably won't believe me. Don't stare too hard or it disappears! Seriously.

Anyway!! I'm so excited to call my Midwife--I hope that she still delivers babies in my area. As I've mentioned, I really want to give birth with the same birth team.

Hopefully tomorrow's line is darker. I promise to take only one more test--since that's all I have left.

UPDATE: 4:00 am test (slightly better!)

P-tests

I promised myself I wouldn't even think of taking a pregnancy test until AFTER my meeting today.

After giving Roscoe a few minutes of attention, while simultaneously noting the freakishly clean nature of the entire house (apparently Andy has childcare, and house maintenance under total control--impressive!), I reached for the tests.

NEGATIVE.

I haven't had even one itty bitty sign so far to make me think that I'm pregnant. Will there really be a cycle #3?

10 things I miss

I had a meeting in the city today. I dusted off my former DC work-day attire then hightailed it just in time for my twelve o'clock.

I hadn't been back to my old office for close to a year, so it felt a little awkward and exciting, and many times throughout the day I was reminded that despite my currently sweet arrangement to work from home, there are a few things that I miss about the way things used to be.

10. Slugging!! Thirty minute naps on the way to and fro, and the long list of rules that are rarely followed. slugging = comedy.

9. Lunch walks in Georgetown

8. Face to face time with colleagues

7. Twice daily doses of NPR--now I have no idea what goes on outside the walls of my own home.

6. Racing the clock to pass the mixing bowl before 6:00 pm (that's when the regular lanes can merge into the HOV) Fun times!!

5. Blow drying my hair, putting on makeup, a non-nursing bra, and some actual clothes (No PJs allowed at the office!!)

4. "Lunch Bunches" with two certain people, in particular

3. Logging miles every day on foot (to the metro station, to the slug-line, block walks, etc.)

2. Showing off photos of Roscoe

1. Suits and flip-flops

CSA Week 10

In this week's CSA bag I found:

Cucumbers, eggplant, an assortment of peppers, a whole basket of heirloom cherry tomatoes, lots of ears of corn, basil, 8 heirloom tomatoes, and one watermelon. Mmmm, eggplant!!

Our kitchen was at full capacity last week, as I churned out recipe after recipe. We ate well and every dish was so pretty to look at!

Last week's recipes:

Heirloom Tomatoes and Cucumber: tomato and blueberry salad

Shiitake Mushrooms: cheddar/mushroom omelettes

Cabbage: fish tacos

Cherry Tomatoes: tomato tart

Corn: summer corn soup

Melon: we ate this first thing in the morning, and we might have enjoyed it more if we had waited a little longer to dig in. It wasn't quite ripe.

The tart is so easy and so delicious that you are silly not to try it out. The corn soup was a little labor intensive but totally worth it--I made mine with stock and milk (not just stock, as the recipe reads). While I'm at it, the fish tacos were mighty fine, and super easy.

The blueberry muffins and blueberry scones were extra, and we happily shared them with our friends and neighbors.

I don't want the Summer, or the CSA to end!!

Roscoe's first chalk drawing

Bake-N-Blog

I'm participating in a Bake-N-Blog!

Staci, from Staci Edwards Design is hosting a cupcake event on the 19th of August.

Because my birthday is in August, and because I'm a cupcake piglet, AAND because I love to bake, I decided to join in on the fun!

I really wanted Red Velvet, but it was already taken. Then I just couldn't decide between cupcakes #21, 28, 23, and 18.

After feeling all warm and festive* while mulling over cupcake #28, I decided it was mine.

We're going to bake our cupcakes then blog about our experience. Ming Makes Cupcakes is behind all the lovely and creative flavor combinations--you must take a look! If you want to join us, make a stop over at Staci's and see which cupcakes have yet to be claimed!

*the fall and winter kind of warm and festive, not the scorching summer type

Mcfatty Monday--how many weeks has it been, now?

I've had a lot on my mind the past week. I re-read a post from last year, July 3rd, where I emphatically declared my first postpartum run, with only 12 pounds left to lose.

One year and a few weeks later, 8 of those 12 pounds are still hanging out. I admit there was a point a month or so ago at which I had only 3 pounds to lose but I derailed my progress in a few short weeks of less than stellar dedication.

I've been persistent over the past year in my effort to get back my pre-baby body. So much happened in the first 8 weeks without much effort at all, and in the many months that followed I ramped up my activity and continued to be forgiving of myself, empowered by my new role and sincerely impressed with my body for all that we had been through and everything that it was capable of.

I've since experienced my first post-baby beach vacation, and over the weekend my first post-baby bathing suit shopping experience.

I can no longer claim to have "just had a baby", and I'm beginning to accept the fact that despite my highest hopes, my body is not quite as good as new. It just isn't.

There are no excuses left and I'm having a hard time.

And it's not only about three pounds, or five. Or eight. I've been in my pre-preg clothes for almost a year. But my body is different. I'm sure all you mommas can relate.

I'm trying to get pregnant again and yet there's just so much that I want to do right now--train for a marathon, or a triathlon, join Crossfit, bike the US. Negative pregnancy tests induce one part relief, one part disappointment, and one part anxiety as I begin to wonder why we're not yet pregnant. We know we want more kids (3 more, please!), and the idea of another baby right now feels like a good decision, but I guess I'm not thrilled about the physical limitations of pregnancy and the inevitable postpartum period that follows. Everyone keeps asking "what's the rush" but with my career and my fertility in mind, I feel intrinsic pressure to make and bake these babies, PRONTO! I also have early menopause in my family history--a fact that weighs on my mind quite a bit now.

Contrary to my hypothesis, trying to get pregnant while simultaneously trying to lose weight has all but killed my motivation to hunker down--I can't count the number of times that I've given myself permission to sabatage my progress because "I'll be pregnant soon, anyway." What's even more unsettling: I'm beginning to doubt that losing weight or pursuing greater fitness will make me feel much better. At best, this is written by a tired Momma at the end of a long and demanding week (and the start of another). At worst, this is a self esteem issue.

Either way. I'm not liking this place very much.

On a superficial level, I bought a pedometer and BOB Duallie running stroller this weekend (yes, a double stroller!!). The BOB is actually an early birthday present, which I'm very excited about. I'm recommitting to my diet and fitness goals and hoping that these two new pieces of equipment will help me to weave into my days more informal activity. P.S. living in the suburbs makes you fat.

On a deeper level, I think I'll have to work on accepting me for me. Which has been a lifelong exercise that I would love to put out of its misery.

How do you merge your self image with your post-baby body?

Day Zero update, 25 down!

Since January, I've been slowly ticking off items on my 101 list.

Did you create a 101 list? Link up if you want to share!!

Momma needs a drink

Remember when I posted about my first Lambic?

Well, I still like them! And now that it's summertime I thought I'd try something that I've always wondered about. Beer floats! Vanilla ice cream atop a frosty lambic. This one is sour cherry and it's delish!

CSA Week 8 and 9

In this week's CSA Bag I found:

I'm so-o excited about those gorgeous heirloom cherry tomatoes. A tomato tart seems just the thing!! I'm also intrigued by that melon and hope to find an interesting recipe, or else we'll just gobble it up tomorrow morning at breakfast.

A girlfriend of mine was kind enough to pick up our CSA produce while we were away. I've been so curious to know what she got and how she prepared it. Just when I couldn't stand it any longer, she emailed me!

First off: she received new potatoes, heirloom tomatoes, pint tomatoes, large and small onions, and corn.

That adorable little girl is her daughter, Lillian--the only girl out of six babies born to the families in my birthing class. I love her! And not just because her table manners are so clearly advanced.

Heidi set only two guidelines for herself as she determined how best to incorporate the produce into her family's weekly menu:

1. No other grocery trips! (She's a whole foods and farmer's market devotee)

2. Incorporate herbs and other vegetables already harvested from her personal garden

The heirloom tomatoes inspired a pasta dish that graced the table just in time to welcome her sister from out of town, and otherwise she kept things simple in order to let the produce do the talkin'. This approach is a Heidi hallmark.

So here's how she did it:

Ears of Corn--several to grill and eat this week (try with lemon basil butter or pesto) the rest to blanch and freeze

Cucumbers--simple tomato/cucumber/onion side salad with herbed vinaigrette, also tzatziki sauce served with pan fried panko cod

Onions large and Small--sliced in salads, sliced in tomato/squash bake, minced in recipes

New Potatoes--roasted with rosemary, Hawaiian red sea salt, smoked paprika flakes, EVOO, and ground pepper

Pint Tomatoes-half reserved for cucumber salad, half reserved to roast and toss with pesto pasta

Three Heirloom Tomatoes--peeled and chopped for pasta recipe to include 5-6 chopped tomatoes, 1/2 cup chopped basil, 4 oz. goat cheese (she used Sweet Valley Farm Dairy Tomato Basil/Farmer's Market), 1/4 cup EVOO, 1 seeded and chopped jalapeno, 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese, sea salt to taste, heated and served over 1 package DeBoles whole wheat pasta.

It's fun to see how other families use the csa produce, and I really missed my veggies last week!

Thanks Heidi! You can invite us over for dinner anytime!! :)

It's that time

Again, and already!

I guess we've been so busy with our existing child, and life in general, that the last month whizzed by without too much angst over lost time, and now here we are! The two week wait is my least favorite part in the baby-making process because there's nothing to DO!!

And this time I'm going to treat pregnancy tests like junk-food and not even tempt myself by bringing them into the house until the end of the waiting period. Last month I wasted a lot of money peeing on sticks, and I learned my lesson!

How do you keep your mind off the inevitable?

Slowly but surely, transitioning to a toddler bed

We have taken a second step toward moving Roscoe from his swing to somewhere that is not his swing. For a long time, I assumed that "somewhere" would be his crib. After careful consideration we decided to skip the crib altogether and go straight to a mattress on the floor.

On Saturday afternoon we disassembled his crib and reorganized his room.

Roscoe now has an upgraded reading corner, and a mattress on the floor.

We hope that he'll take to this arrangement. Knowing him, he will not. So we have postponed until next weekend step three of our "as we go" plan, which will be to persuade Roscoe to sleep in his new bed.

What did you find helpful in facilitating this transition for your little ones?

Hey Ya'll!

We're back from our beach vacation--not so well-rested thanks to a child who reverted to infant sleeping habits while we were away! Our return trip on Friday was even better than the drive down because we drove through the night and were asleep in our own beds by 4:00 am. When we woke on Saturday morning, we still had a full weekend ahead of us.

The isle of palms was as perfect a summer travel destination as I can imagine. The ocean was so warm, and the beach uncrowded with compact sand (not the kind you sink into that causes sore calves!). Our proximity to Charleston was a big highlight and we alternated early mornings spent in the water and late afternoons exploring either the city or other nearby islands.

The heat was welcomed, and the humidity was tremendous. While the forecast called for thunderstorms every day, they usually didn't roll in until the evening, which was just fine with us. We arrived home just as white as we were when we left, in part due to religious application of high spf, but probably also to intermittent cloud cover. The palm trees in Charleston reminded me of California and elicited on more than one occasion lively discussion about "palm manicure" preferences.

While we assumed that vacationing with a 13 month old would be fun on many levels I don't think we expected Roscoe to be fully engaged in our vacation itinerary. So we were pleasantly surprised by Roscoe's determination to keep up with his older cousin Mack, his fearlessness in the ocean waves, and how he was drawn to the sand like a sea turtle to the moon. He was mesmerized by everything he encountered at the aquarium, and eagerly explored all the trucks at the fire museum.

Vacationing with our extended family was a nice change of pace and every night a different family was responsible for preparing dinner, so as the days' adventures were winding down, we gathered around the dinner table for some well earned sustenance. What a great way to end the day!

Then it was tucking in the babies, hopping online, night walks on the beach, and games!! We played a new one called Mad Gab that I would give two thumbs up. Ever played it? Give these a try (read the words out loud and try to figure out the phrases.*):

We thought it was hilariously fun!

We also managed to leave the kids one morning to sneak away to a little beach house restaurant for breakfast where I discovered the deliciousness that is cheese grits. And speaking of southern food, I had my first sweet tea, and a perfect plate of fried green tomatoes with pimento cheese and chow chow.

Long walks and runs on the beach were our only form of exercise and proved to be quite romantic. Andy and I don't often find ourselves with uninterrupted time for discussion not centered around our parental responsibilities, and it certainly was a luxury to share the surf while indulging in bigger picture conversation. Ocean walks at dusk were just what we needed.

We left Charleston wanting more, which is how it goes with vacation I suppose. But there was something special that we found down there. Beyond the culture, and history, location, and lordy, THE FOOD! We reconnected as a family, and in our own company we grew more confident (we are afraid to travel no more!!) and more appreciative of each other.

As we left the low-country behind we decided that any vacation in which you part wishing for even just a few more days to further soak it all in, but also fulfilled and gratified with just the contents crammed into your four door sedan, is a wild success.

* amazon.com, for he's a jolly good fellow, do a google search

Greetings!

Today was our last full day in South Carolina. We are sad. But we had so much fun!!

We perused boutiques on King street, trolled for cupcakes, ate lunch at S.N.O.B, enjoyed a family dinner on the waterfront, and tasted vanilla, walnut, and other yummy infused olive oils. I bought a bottle of blood orange olive oil and a fig balsamic vinegar (mmm... good for so many things!). I was in the mood for southern eats and found a tall glass of sweet tea, some peach sangria, and fried green tomatoes!

It looks like our day was completely centered around our food--and, well, it kind of was!

301 posts!

I began blogging Marbles Rolling on April 25, 2009. I was 35 weeks pregnant with Roscoe and intended to post about the final weeks of my pregnancy and then to share our journey as new parents with our family and friends. In the beginning, Andy even posted on a regular basis. I imagined that the blog would serve as a space where I might post weekly updates and pictures to more or less document Roscoe's milestones.

I had no idea how much I would grow to love my new hobby.

No Idea. Whatsoever.

Looking back there was a lot that I didn't know at 35 weeks.

Like how insanecrazy we would feel during the first year. Or how difficult it would be to surrender to my new role--a fact that came to me mostly in hindsight. Or how delicious motherhood can be. and is. except for when it isn't! A year of contradictions, with rewards too overwhelming and wild to put to words.

Writing has always been an outlet for me, but before I discovered blogging I hadn't found a format that made much sense for the way I like to write. I have so many journals, all blank. Diaries? check. I even tried a word document-type journal. Nope. Didn't work.

Turns out that blogging is for me! Not only do I enjoy it but I've kept up with it. I look forward to it, and despite my busy days I find (and savor) a sliver of it to jot down something that stood out for me.

Life is fun, and good, and every day is extraordinary--of course I know this to be true about my own life but, after reading and following the lives of other moms in the blogosphere, it appears to be universal.

I'm flattered that you've made Marbles Rolling a part of your weekly routine. I've enjoyed sharing my adventures and getting to know many of you through your own blogs.

In celebration of my 300th post I want to open up the floor:

Do you have any questions you've been wanting to ask?

Come out of hiding and post a comment! Or become a follower! I'd love to get to know more of you.

A few of today's favorite things

Destination: Isle of Palms

Our travel proved not to be quite the adventure I was anticipating, thankfully. While we did encounter a few bumps in the road, the drive took just around 9 hours, as projected.

We left at 7:00 pm after Roscoe was fed, bathed, pj'd, nursed, and snugly situated in his car seat--blankie, books, and all. We stopped at Starbucks for drinks and treats, and then jumped on I-95 where we averaged a speed of 17 miles per hour for about an hour. After that, we hightailed it to SC, arrived to a batch of hotels around 12:30 am and quickly realized why not booking ahead is a bad idea. Three hotels in a row, all full to their brim. We got lucky (if you can call it that) and squeezed a fifty dollar space out of a fourth motel located just before the on ramp.

It was raining, and while Roscoe had slept soundly for the entire 6 hours he woke with a fury when the car stopped, clawed at the blanket we had draped over him to repel the water, and then remained disoriented. He wanted nothing to do with sleeping separately from us, and we alternated for at least an hour between the swing and our bed with no luck. Even nursing was unsatisfactory.

By the time 3:30 am arrived, both Andy and I had submitted to the fact that perhaps we would not be going back to sleep, after all. In fact, at only a fifty dollar loss, we discussed getting back in the car and resuming the drive.

Then, without rhyme or reason (besides exhaustion), Roscoe fell asleep--I'm not sure of the time. By 6:30 am he was awake again, and so were we!

The last leg of the trip was just under 3 hours and Roscoe (and I) slept the entire way.

We drove straight into downtown Charleston, dipped into a fantastic fountain, ate lunch at a local bakery and eventually found our way to our home away from home located just a few steps from the sand. The rest of our family arrived throughout the afternoon, and the boys got reacquainted making the beach their private playground.

McFatty Monday Week 26

I'm at the beach this week determined not to GAIN weight, and hoping to work at least 4 runs into the schedule. I even packed my heart rate monitor, jump rope, and fitness bands.

I'm also determined to enjoy the local cuisine. The last two days we have been on the hunt for ice cream. Today we hit the jackpot!!

Strawberry for Roscoe, Cinnamon for me, and Espresso chocolate chip for Andy.

I have good news on the fat loss front, but my stats are back at home. In summary, while my weight stayed the same over the weeks that I trained with Amy, I lost 4% body fat!

Happy Monday!

Friday travel

Tomorrow night we head to Charleston, South Carolina. Ten days of ocean views, southern hospitality, cousins, regional exploring, family dinners, and who knows what else. It's going to be marvelous.

But before our beach vacation can truly begin, we must first brave the 8.5 hour drive. We have very little experience traveling with Roscoe. Our one and only road trip was a 3.5 hour drive to Fort Lewis Lodge and, if you remember, it actually took 7 hours. This does not bode well for us.

An unhappy Roscoe is a most unpleasant thing, particularly when he's confined by a car seat. Our first line of defense will be to break up the drive into two 4.25 hour stretches, and we're planning to spend the night somewhere along the way. Our second line of defense will be to leave in the evening after Roscoe's bedtime routine which should guarantee that he sleeps most, if not all, of the way. Our third line of defense will be to stock the car with his favorite toys, books, snacks, and good tunes (our current favorites are Caspar Babypants and Picnic Playground).

If all else fails, we are not opposed to pit stops--don't be surprised if 8.5 hours turns into 24.

Do you have any tips for keeping little ones entertained on the road?

Well, folks

It looks like we failed to make a sibling for Roscoe.

I know! We can hardly believe it. Is it possible to have that much sex around ovulation and NOT get pregnant? Apparently.

I won't divulge how many pregnancy tests I peed on. It's way too embarrassing. I guess since we got pregnant with Roscoe in the first month, I assumed that it would happen again in just the same way. Phantom symptoms be damned, I was so sure I was pregnant. Not until the hundredth negative on July 5th did I finally accept that it wasn't likely.

So, we are officially on cycle #2! Last time, we had nothing better to do but to sit around and think about getting pregnant and I remember vividly how crazed we were during the two week wait, and how tortured we felt at the idea of having to attempt another go at it the following month. It was lucky then, for our impatient pre-baby selves, that our plan was flawlessly executed.

This time around, our lives are so completely different and we are so not in control of much of anything anymore (a fact that we've proudly accepted!). So, while a March baby was my "ideal", this month I plan to take full advantage of my ability to cross things off my "not for pregnant women or new mothers" list just because I can. Rock climbing, anyone?

Our life is so full and demanding right now that I welcome time that allows for Roscoe to be one month closer to two when the new baby arrives, for me to continue to work on cutting out the night nursing and to build up my courage to begin to transition Roscoe to his crib. It's one more month for hot summer night runs and heart rate monitors that register in the 170s (!) and one more month to continue to whittle away at these last stubborn pounds. Plus, I realized over the fourth of July that I haven't been drunk in over two years. Obviously, I didn't miss it but come to think of it, maybe I'd like to have a few drinks!

In the end, I do believe that making babies is fun and can be pretty darn romantic so this time around I don't mind stretching out this first step just a little bit longer.

I know I'm not the only one trying to conceive--did any of you have any luck this month? I want to hear about it!

CSA Week 7

In this week's CSA bag I found:Sweet corn, cucumbers, swiss chard, patty pan squash, new potatoes, scallions, tomatoes, green peppers

This week's veggies offer some of the best variety we've seen all season and I'm bummed that we're leaving on vacation in just two days and will not have the opportunity to fully enjoy it.

Friends, get ready. I'm going to drop by with something to share!

Next week, since we'll be gone, my good friend Heidi--an avid baker and farmer's market guru--has agreed to pick up our share and make good use of it. Tune in next Tuesday to find out how she incorporated the vegetables into her weekly menu. I'm excited because she's very creative in the kitchen! And her daughter Lillian is an adventurous eater, just like Roscoe, so I anticipate some adorable baby and veggie photos!

The vegetable I enjoyed most this past week was definitely the beets. I had no idea they were so easy to handle, and the recipe I chose was no fuss: roasted beets with fleur de sel, olive oil, and fresh lemon juice. It was a rare treat to enjoy something from the earth in such pure form.

Have you ever tried beets? Did you like them?

Last week's recipes:

Scallions: cheddar and scallion bread

Beets: baked beets

I shared the cucumbers and snow peas with my parents

Zucchini and squash: two loaves of zucchini bread

Turnips: mashed yellow turnips with crispy shallots --the crispy shallots were fantastic!! duh. Fried = delish.

Sick in the summertime

In the middle of last night we woke to a harsh barking cry. It was so distinctly "croup" that I whisked Roscoe off to this morning's first available pediatric appointment. The pediatrician confirmed my diagnosis and administered a dose of oral steroids to prevent further inflammation.

Have you ever heard croup? You can listen here, it's pretty pathetic. I babied Roscoe all day long which made me feel fortunate that I can be home with him to provide everything that he needs when he's not feeling well, while also completely drained and downright exhausted. If Roscoe doesn't nap, neither does Momma. I've grown to rely on those breaks in the day as much as he does.

I'm headed to bed to recharge. Give your babies a hug tonight.

Red, White, and Blue

This morning Roscoe kicked off our fourth of July weekend by opening a bottle of blue nail polish and dumping its contents onto himself and our white carpet. We were only missing something red to be truly festive.

I knew something was up when the loft fell silent for a few short seconds. A break just long enough from the babbles and baby stomps to alert me to turn my attention back to a little monster covered in blue, including stroke marks around his mouth where he clearly tested the edibility of my new summer color.

After I verified that none had actually been ingested, and that the blue was only superficial, my Momma Bear instincts fell to the wayside and I turned my attention to the carpet. After several vigorous cleaning attempts (not by me, of course!!), I can report that it will never be the same.

If anyone has any tips for cleaning nail polish from carpet, I am all ears. And FYI, if you let nail polish dry on skin it will flake off on its own--no need for harsh removers.