The boys and their grandparents: a photoshoot

Have you ever wondered how many of your childhood memories are actually the manifestation of the telling and retelling of the stories and back stories of old photos? I love looking at pictures of myself as a little girl. I swear those captured moments have become the backbone of all my early memories.  

My parents were twenty-three and twenty-four when I was born. I really admire the work of parenting, and it is surreal to look at photos of my own mom and dad just starting out and finding their way, like we all do. The insights into our life together in those moments—how we lived, how we dressed, and how we spent our time—they are all so meaningful now. 

When I was growing up we took one family vacation each year: a long drive from Oregon, Arizona, or Northern California (depending on where we were living at the time) all the way to Los Angeles to where my grandparents lived with the palm trees, concrete poolyards, and mickey mouse. In later childhood, my mom's dad lived a few hours away from us in Nevada, and either way we didn't get to see our grandparents enough. I do wish there were more photos of us when we were together.

Like many children of this technical generation, practically every day of the boys' lives has been documented in some way since birth. We are also fortunate that their grandparents live only an hour away. So far, Roscoe and Merritt have the advantage of knowing and visiting with them at least once a month. I hope that they will continue to have opportunities to build authentic relationships with each other in their time together. 

This year we gifted our parents with a photoshoot from the awesome Courage and Co. Photography here in Richmond. Jake was patient with the kids—who were in high-gear zany mode for the duration—and generous with his time. We chose a great big outdoor space for the shoot, and in between snow days we found sunshine and a little taste of Spring.

Everyone dressed comfortably, and while I did brush the kids' hair (If you can even tell. Probably not.) they came as themselves and Jake captured everyone as they are. Which is the best way.

I wish I had professional photos of 3 year old me playing and hanging out with my grandmas and grandpas—for the boys this meant eating suckers, digging in the dirt, finding gook in a stream, and otherwise acting like wild animals.

And yes, my dad travels with his ukulele! It's a trademark.

How do you create and preserve memories of your parents for yourself and for your kids? 

Apple Picking

It was a windy Tuesday up at the Carter Mountain Orchard. Hazy but gorgeous views overlooking the Blue Ridge Mountains made for a nice reward after climbing up, up, and up, in our car, not to mention the 1.5 hour drive from Richmond.

Apple picking season is nearing its end, and the trees were really picked over. Fortunately, the kids found a few with low lying fruit.








They gathered what they wanted, probably only 10 apples each, and tromped from aisle to aisle with their plastic bags slung over their shoulders. The kids were grumpy from walking so far, and I called it a good afternoon when the need for a third potty break was announced.

We made our way back to the general store and perused our options for take-home treats. I chose a few pounds of apples that had already been picked. For the road we grabbed a dozen apple cider doughnuts, a gallon of apple cider, and a pound of apple butter.

We opted to drive home mid-afternoon so we could be back in time to greet Poppa, who was coming home 3 days early from his planned business trip.

Next time we head West, I will build in time for a diversion to Christian's Pizza Pantops, their avocado and feta pizza is so so good, and a promenade in downtown Charlottesville. The kids love the toy store, and we all enjoy Splendora's. It sounds like a day trip will be something to look forward to before Winter arrives. But, I digress.

Looking back, here are a few scenes from previous years at the apple orchard: 2009 when Roscoe was a few months old, and the following year when I was already 3 months pregnant with Merritt 2010,

Two kids or three?

A view from the sound, NC.

After dinner had been devoured, and after we abandoned the dining room with the tablecloth that often doubles as a napkin and the piled dishes and the leftovers that would surely have to wait until morning, and after I helped the boys into their jammies and read them each a story, and after I sang my rendition of hush little baby (complete with a firetruck and a too short ladder, a police car with a much too quiet siren, and an ambulance too slow to make it in time), and not until I shushed them from the near and far corners of the house and their eyes were closed and their breathing heavy, only then did I tiptoe across the unswept floors to pour myself a glass of wine, scoop up my journal, and find my place on the screened-in porch to spend some time with my thoughts.

As I journaled about my relationship with food, of all things, It suddenly hit me that maybe Andy is right, maybe two kids are enough. I have for years thought of myself as a woman meant to mother many children, always imagining a closely spaced grouping of four or five siblings.

Over the last few months a new feeling has been creeping up slowly and surely until one day last week after a typical morning, I sent a text to Andy: Today I do not want any more kids. 

We have argued and discussed this topic for more than 2 years. Should we have a third? Should we aim for four? Should we stick with two? His reply: You are a great momma, don't forget it. 

The kids are amazing. Each of them. Both of them. They are cunning and funny, testy and full of grand emotion. They surprise us in ways that astound us and alarm us. They are so different from each other and yet so the same. I am not a perfect mother but I am a good one. I do not love imaginary play or loud noises, or chaos. I am sometimes overwhelmed to meet the demands of these two growing boys. At the end of many days I am tired. So very tired.

For years I was resolute that 4 was my lucky number. Two didn't feel like "family" the way that three does, and four just tips it all over the edge to guarantee a boisterous home life and kindred spirits for days. I can look ahead to when the kids are grown and take comfort in the idea of having all that company and extended family to call on.  I like the way I think that would feel.

The justification game: the weighing of short and long-term costs and benefits. I find that the exercise can be a little bit of a thrill when I am on the side of saying goodbye to the childbearing years. But there is a sadness too in leaving it behind so suddenly. When I was pregnant with Merritt, when I gave birth to him, when I weaned him, I knew there would be a third. On the other hand, I have experienced all of my motherhood so far in real time, intensely, and truly. I've written about it, I've processed it, I've lived it.

I value my relationship with my kids and husband more than anything else, but there are other things happening in the world that inspire me too. With Merritt turning 3 this Winter and Roscoe turning 5 next Spring, some of the lost freedom that came with pregnancy and parenting in the early years feels just within arms reach. I'm so tempted.

One morning last week, the energy of the kids was so very high that I played momma hooky and called in our nanny two hours early because I just needed to get away. But then there are nights like last night where we all move through our nightly routine in rhythm and without fuss, and I can see a version of perfection co-existing in this messy house. It is a good life.

For today at least, I'm willing to try on the idea that the two boys we have are and will forever more be enough for us. Is there ever a final word on this kind of life decision, anyway? It's a pretty tough call to make one way or the other isn't it. (Interestingly, we had a similar discussion around this time last year...)

Spring Babies

I don't know what it is about the Summertime but it makes me want to have another baby.

Maybe it's Virginia this time of year, with its long daylight hours, balmy heat and humid nights, heavy rains and intense thunderstorms, and a beckoning call to open air living. Or maybe it is the slower pace that we keep in the summer months of of June, July, and August. It all seems so suddenly easy. The mornings escape us with Merritt taking a nap at 10:30, and the afternoons are so carefree, they demand less structure and more adventure. I can create in the kitchen with the back door wide open as the kids play naked in the backyard. The sun is still up when Andy gets home for dinner. Bedtime follows closely behind and Roscoe and Merritt are so beat from our explorations of the day that they fall asleep without a fuss as their curls hit their bed sheets, which leaves entire evenings for Andy and me.  Perhaps it is human nature that we mate in the Summer so that we can have babies in the Spring like all other smart mammals.

It is true that whenever we find some peace and simplicity in our life we start to believe that we have it all it figured out. We can push away the fear that we sometimes carry, which whispers that we've taken on too much, that we weren't cut out for parenting in the plural sense, that we'll never have a full night's rest again in our lives; and then shortly after we settle in and decide it's a good time to get pregnant.

I'm definitely there, but also thinking that we'll hold off for a little while longer, although it is taking some effort not to just go for it. The boys start preschool in the Fall, and I'd like to try on that routine for a bit and also wrap up the lactation course that I'm midway through before willingly beginning what I anticipate to be a challenging pregnancy.

Roscoe has recently taken up an imaginary friend who he claims is his sister. She lives in North Carolina and has quite a history. I'm taking this as a sign that our family will be rounded out with a little girl on this next go 'round.

The knowing begins now

**I wrote this post last month but couldn't publish it until today. There will be more to come in future posts on this topic. 

The last few days have been exhausting. A long-held family secret spanning decades was largely unraveled between Saturday night and this evening [Wednesday]. A genealogical mystery has been unlocked and we are free! As the information continues to trickle in I feel peace inside and look forward to sharing it all as soon as it makes sense to do that here.

The boys and I had an uneventful day at home today. The weather was unusual for January, warm and breezy. We lazed around the house in the morning before nap and then set off for a doughnut run when they woke up in the afternoon. I like to drive to a little place about 30 minutes away because they have the best doughnuts and also because it offers a road trip just long enough to hit pause; an opportunity for everyone to rest and read en route, and space for me to think. The drive home is predictably quiet save the sounds of delight and sugary lip smacking. Sometimes the trip makes a long afternoon go by a little faster. From there we drove to a park by the farmer's market where we waited to pick up our meat and eggs for the month.

My mind has been occupied rather fully by the latest developments in my family's history. In context, I can't help but look at these beautiful babies of mine, awestruck with a sense of pain and love. Pain not for them but for children who suffer. Don't we all start out this perfect and worthy? These little boys deserve everything the world has to offer to them. Every child does. As parents we have power to create reality for our children, a consciousness that can be as frightening as it is empowering.

Rain drizzled steadily as we played. The wind kicked up carrying their pitched voices through the park, away from my ears. I followed their movements up the ladder and over the other side, then gazed higher still until the overexposed glare of white sun diffused through hazy cloud cover and pulsed into the back of my eyes, forcing me to blink. Being fully present in a moment like that can be calming and marvelous. Other times feeling so deeply only magnifies my vulnerability, underscoring how insignificant I am in this big infinite world. I like to be so inspired and humbled. 

While I cannot control the ways in which the personal decisions of others have impacted my family's collective understanding of who we are and where we come from, I can take comfort knowing that I create and hold a safe and nurturing space for my own kids from which they will venture and eventually jump off into wild and limitless futures.

A change in plans, no babies for a while

Summertime is chalk and homemade tie dye tees

While at the beach this year Andy and I were able to do exactly two things together, alone.

One oppressive and sticky night we took a beach walk at sunset, trudging through the sand and talking at a fervent pace about our future, our family, and life in general. We walked until the sky went dark when we were left to carefully retrace our path along the shoreline lit only by the glow from the houses that perched over the dunes. That conversation centered largely on dismantling our plan for adding more kids to our brood this year.

The following night we put the boys to bed, and then drove out to Corolla for dinner overlooking the sound. The conversation was unusually playful. I had a martini (rare!)--which pretty much blew me over--and we drove home lighthearted and giddy, headed straight for the hot tub like impulsive teenagers. It was good to feel our marriage so alive, when it more often seems like our relationship lies dormant somewhere beneath a wintry landscape fraught with demands.

I've felt the thaw for many months now. A quiet awakening and a healthy burst of energy as we emerge from the experience of the last four years. Bringing our partnership out into the bright Summer sun and canopied under the warm starry nights helped to bring our marriage back into focus and gave us some much-needed perspective. We want to hold onto the feeling we have right now, and we need some downtime.

Of course the boys have our hearts in every moment and they are as amazing now as they were born. I want a large family, but if I push through to have a third this year we would likely stop there. Roscoe and Merritt are incredible and I want to give them everything. For me it has been a hard exchange and, as I've mentioned before, I'm learning to respect my limits.

In the spirit of imperfect timing, we added that maternity rider to our health insurance plan effective this month with intention to get pregnant in the Spring. After some debate we're keeping the rider because it is insurance, after all, but our plans have most definitely changed. For now we are content as a family of four. I've been yearning for this sense of calm, and I finally feel it.  We want to see where life takes us in the next couple years and aim for a baby born when Roscoe and Merritt are closer to school-age. 

Everyone will be weaned!  Everyone will be out of diapers! Maybe everyone will actually sleep through the night!!? (We're still working on this, believe it or not.) With time we also get space for our marriage to reconnect and thrive, for our parental reserves to refuel, and for our relationship with our two little guys to continue to develop. Respite and stability sound pretty solid right now.

A larger spread between siblings changes the family dynamic I've always imagined for us, but taking all things into consideration the lightness we feel in our hearts tells me it is the right thing for us right now. We'll know when we're ready again to embrace the unknown of another pregnancy and the exhausting bliss of a newborn.

Ahoy matey!

Roughneck Roscoe & Muscles Merritt

Nightmare Noah & Mighty Mack

We took the kids on a pirate adventure yesterday.  Donning tattoos and swords they boarded a pirate ship, took down enemy pirates, and found the treasure chest at the bottom of the sea.

Outer Banks 2012

We were so excited about our trip to the beach that we decided to leave a day early.

We managed a relatively stress-free packing and loading of the car, which is out of the ordinary for us--we usually procrastinate or travel on a workday evening, which leaves us hurried and in a last minute frenzy. We had all of Saturday to prep, and left just after dinner. 

The short story is that we failed in our intention to have the kids fall asleep on the way and for us to have a quiet, uneventful ride to our midway destination. Instead, the boys were awake and fussy, we had to make several stops for screaming, and when we eventually made it to our home away from home the kids were so in awe of the hotel (not because it was special but because it was new to them) that they stayed wide awake until they crashed at 10:30pm. It must have been a good night for a party, too, because several rooms near ours were hopping, and the four of us were able to sleep only intermittently as a result of the noise.

But today was a new day and we woke up early, looking forward to getting back on the road. We stopped for a quick breakfast and had our toes in the sand by 9:00am.  

Check-in wasn't until 4:00pm and so we found ourselves with a lot of time on our hands. We took a long drive for nap and then enjoyed a much anticipated lunch at Pigman's barbecue. We decided to try a nature walk in Nags Head Woods, which turned out to be really cool. We found toads, turtles, butterflies, ornate spiders and other insects, deer, and even a snake. It was exciting for the kids and we enjoyed the shaded trails around the marshy swamps as reprieve from the heat. 

Afterward we stopped for custard and then met up with our family and cousins at the house.

Merritt (1 yr.), Roscoe (3 yr.), Noah (2 yr.), Mack (5 yr.)

It was a long but good day--a nice start to a full week ahead--and we're happy to be near the ocean and in good company.

Brotherly bonds

I've noticed the boys doing this a lot lately. Merritt reaching out for Roscoe, Roscoe reaching out to Merritt. It's a car thing. They pass snacks back and forth. They console each other when needed. I'm so glad my sister captured it on camera. (This is classic Roscoe.)

Work ends, life begins

We're keeping it cool, literally (with ice cream, of course)
and figuratively (because life is crazy-good right now).

The beginning of last week was a frenzy of email exchanges and conference calls wrapping up what has been my career for the past six years. I'm so very grateful to have had the opportunity over the last three years to remain intimately involved in the boys' daily life while also growing professionally. I am also more than happy to have agreed to remain available to the Initiative through the end of September on an as-needed basis. I know what you're thinking. Not a huge commitment, just offering limited availability to see the grant through its final months and to support the team as we close the remaining open projects. (It has been hard for me to submit entirely to the idea that I won't have my own income stream and so I suppose this is my way of hanging on until the very last second.)

On Wednesday I swiftly turned my attention and energy to addressing a long list of to-dos that I had been putting off for the better part of 8 months, maybe longer, all hinged on the anticipated moment of work's end. 

So many household chores have been ignored or left undone out of necessity to prioritize and I tackled a good chunk in just a couple days: listing baby items for sale on craigslist; deep cleaning the kitchen; reinventing the screened-in porch from a cluttered storage space to a cozy dining area; culling the kids' worn and age inappropriate toys from the good ones for tossing and for putting into storage; sifting through their drawers and closets to pack away the clothes that no longer fit; yard maintenance; and finally working with Roscoe to support his efforts to potty train. (His progress in only two days has been tremendous and exciting for all of us.)

I've also had some time to devote to getting my birth work off the ground. I hired someone to help with my brand, I'm digging into the curriculum, securing a teaching space, and ordering workbooks and teaching aids--a female pelvis arrived in the mail yesterday!

My first series of classes begin in August and the next three weeks are going to be intense in the best ways possible. We're headed to the beach on Sunday for a family vacation with our extended family, and when we return I'll be headed off to Blogher '12, then shortly after I'll put on a new hat to assume the role of birth educator. It is a dream come true to be immersed in activity that feeds my passions and contributes to building community and improving quality of life, for others and for myself. I think the whole family's happiness and contentment just got kicked up a notch. 

I bought a laptop so that I can stay connected through my travels and adventures, and have every intention to resume dialogue here starting . . . now.

Saturday in the City

We haven't had a free weekend day in a long time: no commitments, no schedule to keep.

An intense storm last night caused power outages throughout the city, and the community was bustling even earlier than usual this morning to clear the streets and yards from downed trees and limbs.

Sultry conditions at 6am foreshadowed the heat that came later in the afternoon, but we decided to get out for an early walk for breakfast and coffee while it was still relatively cool, and then Roscoe and I drove to the farmer's market to pick up our berry share.

Apricots, plums, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and peaches are all in season right now, and we got some of each. Roscoe also stopped at his favorite tent Sugar Baking Co. to chat for a long time with Morgan, as has become his routine, and to choose his usual Saturday morning treats to share with the rest of us.   

We also found some cherry tomatoes, pink and yellow brandywine tomatoes, golden and red beets, cantaloupe, potatoes, and string beans. Nap was fast approaching and we didn't have time to venture to the larger and busier South of the James market. We were happy with what we had foraged so we went home.

After snack Andy took the boys for a walk at nap time and I logged a couple hours working at my computer, editing a summary report of an evaluation that we conducted a few months ago.

When the boys woke up I got a turn to nap and then around 2pm we packed up our bathing suits and snacks and headed out for some water play. There was little shade but the kids were content in the water and a local band was playing nearby so Andy and I just kicked back with iced coffee and our goodies from the market--it's rare to find an activity for the kids that doesn't require our constant involvement so we thought it was especially nice. We kept the drinks flowing and the snacks coming but the boys were hot and ready to go after 45 minutes so we did a little shopping and then grabbed dinner to go.   

Merritt has been asleep for an hour now and Andy is putting Roscoe to bed as I type this.  We've planned a discussion for this evening to hash out roles and responsibilities for each of us now that my job is winding down and I have more or less assumed the role of a full-time stay at home mom. We've needed to shore up our expectations on both sides so this will be a good opportunity to outline a plan and to establish boundaries for each of us as we are both moving in new directions professionally.

Another Summer storm is brewing outside, the wind's kicking up and the thunder rolling.

Stay cool and happy Saturday night to all!

Another hot one

We welcomed the first official days of Summer with temps close to 100 degrees. The return on investment of our $4.00 sprinkler has been great.

Lots o' muddy baby bums, coming right up!

*More pictures taken by their nanny.  I don't know what I'm going to do without my camera for THREE weeks!!?

Thyroid ablation, a postpartum update, and never before seen photos

In 2007 I underwent thyroid ablation with radioactive iodine. I was 24 at the time and the process of coming to the decision to have the procedure had filled the many preceding months with anxiety and turmoil.

A radioactive isotope. Intentionally (yet strategically) destroying a part of my body. A 6-12 month wait required before trying to conceive. The possible side effects. The permanence of my decision. It was a lot to weigh at such an inexperienced and young age.

As it turns out, the procedure was a simple one. My thyroid was scanned to determine the correct dose. A tech arrived with the formidable lead container. I swallowed a capsule of radioactive iodine, chased it with some apple juice and spent the following week in my pajamas, housebound to minimize other people's exposure to my radioactivity.

(circ. 2007)

 I received a handout with instructions similar to those listed below, and hunkered down.

Instructions to reduce exposure to others after I-131 RAI treatment
Action	Duration (Days)
Sleep in a separate bed (~6 feet of separation) from another adult .......................................	1-11*
Delay return to work ................................................................................................................	1-5*
Maximize distance from children and pregnant women (6 feet)................................................	1-5*
Limit time in public places .........................................................................................................	1-3*
Do not travel by airplane or public transportation ...................................................................	1-3*
Do not travel on a prolonged automobile trip with others .......................................................	2-3
Maintain prudent distances from others (~6 feet) ...................................................................	2-3
Drink plenty of fluids ................................................................................................................	2-3
Do not prepare food for others ................................................................................................	2-3
Do not share utensils with others ............................................................................................	2-3
Sit to urinate and flush the toilet 2-3 times after use ..............................................................	2-3
Sleep in a separate bed (~6 feet of separation) from pregnant partner, child or infant ..........	6-23*
*duration depends on dose of I-131 given

Stimulated by a hormone called TSH, the thyroid gland regulates metabolism and uses iodine to make thyroid hormones (T4 and T3). It is the only organ in the body that uses iodine and so the radioactive isotope goes straight to the thyroid where it is absorbed.  The tissue of my thyroid died over the course of a few months, my hyperthyroidism (low tsh, high t4 and t3) became hypothyroidism (high tsh, low t4 and t3), and I began what is a lifetime dependency on synthetic t3 and t4.

I take a small pill of levothyroxine every morning and the drugs regulate my body like a healthy thyroid gland would. My TSH levels were in the normal range when I got pregnant with each of the boys, but pregnancy involves a higher demand for these hormones because they are also responsible for the growth of the fetus and for building the baby's thyroid gland. During pregnancy I get blood tests every 3 weeks so that my dosages can be closely monitored and increased as needed. Usually, by week 12 or 16, my doctor has found the dose that I will need for the remainder of the pregnancy and I stay there until the baby is born.

In the postpartum period, it is the reverse, a slow ramping down of the levothryroxine dose in order to return to a normal baseline. It has been 16 months since Merritt was born and I am STILL incrementally decreasing my doses.  In fact, 2 months ago, I was feeling off and asked for a test to confirm my suspicion. The results showed that I was hyperthyroid again--too much levothyroxine. My prescription was decreased from 112mg to 100mg but just 6 weeks later I was feeling lethargic and out of it (and requested another blood draw) only to learn that my TSH was lower than it had ever been in my entire medical history.  Over the weekend it was confirmed to be 19, on a normal scale of .3 -3!

With the help of my former docs at Georgetown hospital in DC, I was able to secure a semi-emergency appointment for tomorrow morning with a new endocrinologist at the local academic medical center to get some answers and hopefully to get my hormones back on track asap. I cannot tell you how challenging it is to manage day to day when my levels are off.  All the little things required of me are downright exhausting and I want nothing more but to crawl into bed. Clearly not a viable option, with a 3 year old and a 1 year old underfoot.

It has been almost four weeks of this and I am happy to learn that my thyroid is the culprit, so that I can do something about it, but I have also been feeling a little desperate for a resolution. Thank goodness for our nanny (who is back with us a few blocks of time each week), and good friends who bring dinner to our doorstep.

More babies!?

What are our plans for adding another baby to the family?

(Whoa, three babies.)

The open enrollment period for our insurance plan is this month and we are adding a maternity rider with the typical 6 month waiting period required before conception. So that puts us in January at the earliest.

Beyond that, I've enjoyed getting pregnant in the Summer and having my babies in the Spring although I'm feeling a lot more relaxed about how it all plays out this time.  I'm open to getting pregnant in any season, and can see the perks of being pregnant and giving birth at any point in a given year.

On good days, and in projecting what life will be like in the future when the boys are 2.5 and 4 for example, or 3 and 5, adding another person to the family feels reasonable and manageable. On days that I feel challenged I have a hard time wrapping my head around EVER having more than two kids, but fortunately those feelings are fleeting and at worst they simplify the big question of when by letting me know NOT NOW, that we are still learning about life as a family of four.

I've been pregnant or nursing for more than three continuous years. My relationship with the kids is still very physically demanding.  I'm trying to be better at recognizing and respecting my own boundaries. I know that learning to do this is important for me and for the kids and that it will be good for all of us if I have some more time in between to pause and refuel before beginning the process again.  Andy and I want to pace life's big changes, if we can, but we hope to have another little one on the way by June of next year.

Like before, I have a list of things I want to do beforehand. Some items are related to the kids like getting Roscoe out of diapers, and weaning Merritt.  Others are about preparing my body to carry a baby to term and doing everything possible to prevent another premature birth. The rest of the to-dos are about enjoying life right now, because it's so good, and savoring the freedoms that continue to come with time.

I turn 30 in two months and the plan is to have two more babies born by the time I turn 35. (Although, the final number seems up for debate lately.) Ideally, I would love to have two girls next, but, given that boys seem to be in the genes, I won't be wagering any confident bets. I also think it would be intense and wonderful to have a house of boys. I guess we'll just have to wait and see!

What do you consider to be ideal spacing for siblings and for parents?

Darlings

They gravitate to one another, choosing to share space--not without some badgering from Roscoe and shrill protests from Merritt to balance it all out, of course--but they want to be together and their connection only grows.

Roscoe offers a hand to help Merritt down the back stoop. He shushes him when he cries, the way we've always shushed them to calm. He sings rock-a-bye-baby and plays noisy games in the back seat to entertain him.

The air is full of shrieks and laughter.

Merritt pushes the tricycle while Roscoe sits and steers, happy and unaware that he's doing all the work. He imitates his big brother with a confidence that comes only from trusting the one who went before and who makes everything look so easy.

It feels like we finally turned a corner, stumbling unexpectedly on this place that everyone promised to exist when learning how close the boys are in age, when I would share how hard it can be sometimes with a spread so small, and demands so great.

Just wait, they always said, they are going to be best friends.

The sweetness and the joy of watching their deepening relationship has me thinking of more babies.

Another brother would be wild.

NaBloPoMo

Memorial day weekend was reprieve from the past month of enduring my crazy (end almost in sight) work schedule, unfortunate shen(nanny)gans with our new hire, and a flu bug that wiped me out for two full weeks.

We spent two of the three afternoons at the river, just casually exploring on foot and letting the kids run wild. If we could, I would do that with them every day.

June's National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) begins tomorrow.  The goal is to write every day and this month's theme is JUMP.  I am more grounded when I write, and although the timing feels terrible for a writing challenge, I think that is exactly what I need right now. Less stressing, less procrastination, less keeping it to myself, and more writing.