Merritt is two years old today

Every year I look forward to these three months between February and May. To say that the boys are just a year apart in age offers a simple explanation for how crazy our days can feel.  Ooh, they're two and three. 

Last year we celebrated Merritt's first birthday with a colorful celebration of hearts and lions. This year, we opted again for a small party with even less fanfare. A simple home cooked meal, a few surprises for the kids, and a short guest list of his two primary caretakers and their partners.

On the menu: chicken adobo (a filipino dish that I grew up on as a kid), coconut rice, a green salad with garlic dressing, and roasted root vegetables. For dessert we shared a mountain of doughnuts served with miniature glass bottles filled with milk, and paper straws.

It snowed most of the day, so by dinnertime the long and blue shadows of winter cast over our meal as we sat down at the table. The kids wanted nothing to do with the food so they played while we indulged in the warmth of good company and candlelight.

While it is Merritt's second birthday, today also marks the anniversary of my second birth. Last year I was melancholic as February came around. This year felt a little less so. I'm not sure what that means as far as progress and healing are concerned, but it appears at first as an improvement. In truth, our beginning still pains me. I try to avoid acknowledging the still tender disappointment when it creeps into an otherwise happy moment. I wish I could pinpoint exactly the thing that is so painful about the birth, or the NICU, but I haven't yet been able. I'm afraid it is all the little things that add up. It makes me heartsick knowing that we can't influence the past. The more time that separates then from now, the less clarity I have. The deeper involved I become in my work supporting women through their own family beginnings, the better I understand how complicated this could be, how unhealed I am, that I may always carry with me a sense of loss and grief. Being made aware of that last little piece was a bummer all on its own.

Though I experience this day with all the bitter sweetness that it brings, Merritt shined his light brightly and enjoyed a very deserving birthday party on Saturday and a worthy encore today with ice cream, a park trip, and many, many, renditions of happy birthday. He is the kind and gentle little brother of our family and we love him so much.

A very merry birthday

After picking up a dirty chai and an iced latte from Black Hand we hit the road to check out some neighborhoods that we've been wanting to look into and a few lots for sale down by the river. We've been brainstorming where to buy or build our next house and we're conflicted about what we want more: city living, or acreage and nature and privacy. We go back and forth daily--it feels complicated, but it may be simple. Today we took a closer look at some areas outside the city that got us really excited.

We ate a cozy lunch at The Black Sheep. I picked the USS Cumberland, which was kind of amazing: marinated grilled tuna steak, shaved fennel, tomato, kalamata olives, hard-boiled eggs and sauce verte on a toasted baguette, and Andy ordered beers and biscuits and gravy.

Then we drove to the foot bridge at Belle Isle, made an outfit change in the car, and walked over the James to check out the sunbathers, hang out on the rocks, and to hike around. It had been ten years since either of us had walked that path, and it made for a relaxing and romantic afternoon.

Afterward, feeling parched, we headed to the Continental Westhampton for a milkshake and a limeade.

Cheers! 

It's his birthday, thirty years down.

Andy turns thirty on Sunday.  We've now known each other for half our lives and been together almost as long.

It's funny because he acts like he dreads even the thought of turning another year older, this milestone in particular, but I just roll my eyes because to me it feels like this decade is his for the taking, and I know he's just being modest.

He's on the cusp of living his professional dreams, in a career that challenges and fulfills him at his core. In his heart he's a family man, devoted to all of us in ways that inspire me and that gratify my deepest needs. He's a visionary and a man of action, but he's a team player so I've always felt integral to his big ideas and valued for my role and for my contribution. Over the years we have developed a shared strategy in life that keeps us always moving forward and impassioned for what lies ahead of us. It's a characteristic of our relationship that I've always found alluring.

In truth he's just getting started and this birthday is his jumping off point for the next 10 years. Growing our family, laying down roots, chasing our passions, realizing dreams that started as penciled notes passed back and forth in 5th period. It's all about cultivating our life together and trusting our plan, and relying on the discipline that we established in our twenties to build something great in our thirties.

Tomorrow we celebrate. Following his lead, there will be no surprise 30th birthday bash. There won't even be a party. He and I have blocked the day out and we are going to spend it together, just the two of us. We have simple plans that involve the outdoors and good food and uninterrupted time.

Tomorrow we will play and reflect and dream some more.

On mother's day weekend

My mom graduated with her masters degree in social work this weekend. It has been a long road to this place, but she made it. When her babies were young she applied and was accepted into a graduate program in Oregon and when my dad was offered a promotion soon after, which required the family to move to another state, my mom's educational aspirations were put on hold.

I was just five years old then.

Mom was accepted into the MSW program at VCU when I was twenty-six, the year that I became pregnant with Roscoe. We've been in parallel worlds the last four years, my mom and I, nurturing our respective dreams and growing as women, and as mothers.

The sacrifices we make as mothers and wives to balance our needs and those of our children and our marriages, they are real.  I love that she held on to this, and carried it with her all of these years, just waiting for the pieces to fall into place.

It is the dance of timing. Knowing what is important and when it is possible. There's a certain grace required to make the dreams worth keeping come true.

Friday was her day and we are so proud of her. 

Happy Easter, and the perfect hard boiled egg

The Easter bunny came last night!  We opened baskets first thing, read our new books, played with some cool new toys, ate chocolate before breakfast, worked in the yard, took a siesta, and then headed for a picnic to share cuban sandwiches and cupcakes under warm sunshine. It was a beautiful day.

Yesterday we dyed our easter eggs. To prep them for coloring, I boiled a dozen a la Martha Stewart and they were so good we ate every one of them before the afternoon was over. The boiled egg isn't fool proof, but this is as easy as it gets.

• Place a dozen eggs in a pot and cover with cool water  
• Bring to a boil over medium heat
• Remove the pot from the heat, let eggs sit for 12 minutes
• Transfer eggs to a colander and run cold water over the eggs until they are cool to the touch  
• Eat, eat, eat. Repeat

Happy Easter!

Family Photos, Spring 2012

We met up with Mel for a celebratory photo shoot the afternoon before Merritt turned one.

We played around the house for a while before heading out to Carytown for our birthday tradition of ice cream and a visit to the toy store.

Mel writes a blog post for every one of her photo shoots (and creates a slideshow too!). The anticipation that precedes receiving the combo in my inbox is our favorite part. You can read her post about us here, and I hope you get a chance to check out the slideshow too!

Graduation Day

My little sister graduated with her masters degree on Saturday. True to her nature, she stole the stage and danced her way across. I was moved to tears because I know how much work she's put into her education and I'm thrilled to see what she will do next. She deserves everything she's earned.

Sweet Redemption

Hot cocoa with marshmallows is a quiet pleasure these days. With so many artisan options I've long ago given up on the classic Jet Puffed. When the Fall chill arrives I crave the gooey goodness of a melted marshmallow and this year, instead of searching high and low for a fix, I decided it was time to learn to make them myself. Years ago (before a stand mixer graced my counter top) I attempted a recipe that produced a slimy, wet, and weak little batch of marshmallows too icky to enjoy.

I'm happy to share that with my latest attempt at these heavenly confections (I made cinnamon vanilla), my confidence has been rebuilt and I will be making homemade marshmallows from now until forever.

oh yum

spread it out

liberally sprinkle with powdered sugar and let sit for 8 hours

TAH DAH! Share, and enjoy!

Need something to eat those marshmallows with? Here is the recipe to my favorite hot cocoa--it's really more like drinking chocolate, so you don't need a lot, and topped with either sweet whipped cream or a marshmallow it's perfect any time (or all the time).

5 oz. bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped

2 oz. milk chocolate, coarsely chopped

1/2 cup boiling water

3/4 cup whole milk

1/4 cup heavy cream

In a medium bowl, combine the bittersweet chocolate with the milk chocolate. Add the boiling water and let it stand for 1 minute. Whisk the chocolate mixture until it is smooth.

In a small saucepan, bring the milk and heavy cream just to a simmer. Add the chocolate mixture and whisk over moderate heat until hot. Pour into small mugs and garnish as you like!

Recipe adapted from Food & Wine

Winter Pleasures

Whoa. Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away? I've been taking every day one at a time and here it is already, mid November! The temps have been waffling between warm and cold so it appears that the DC region is just as slow to catch on.

But hurray! Fall is in full swing! Cooler weather, comfort food, holiday rituals, and lots of family togetherness spent indoors. It's time to snuggle in and hunker down.

In the spirit of giving I thought I'd share a few of my Fall loves:

Foodzie can be overwhelming but browsing is half the fun, and in the Chocolate and Candy section I've found all kinds of Fall treats to eat and share. Masala Chai Tea has been keeping me company this week. The combination of ginger, cardamom, cloves, cinnamon, fennel, and black and white pepper is spicy, and creamy, and everything good. Loose tea leaves add another level of sophistication to the process of brewing and sipping a nice hot mug full.

For me, the combination of pregnancy and cooler temperatures spells dry skin. Couple that with flu season (lots o' hand washing) and I'm already screaming for more moisture. Origins' make a difference hand treatment is a must-have. Yes, this stuff solves the winter blahs, but it's the fragrance that makes me swoon: black licorice and orange.

Finally, warm candlelight illuminates even the darkest, coldest night, making any space more festive and inviting. Capri Blue makes my favorite scent Volcano. It reminds me of fruit punch: complex, crisp, and fruity, it makes my mouth water. Lately, I've been burning a mini version as a pick me up during the work day. Anthropologie offers this candle in a variety of pretty containers to match any decor but I like this blue jar best, because it suits both the Summer and Winter.

Party time!

For our second son's coming out party, we gathered our closest friends and family for an intimate dinner with a surprise twist. Every guest was asked to wear pink or blue depending on their guess. For the record, girl won by just one vote. In spite of my last minute teetering, I threw on my favorite pair of fuzzy pink socks just in time to greet everyone at the door.

We decided on a rainbow theme with tissue paper pom-poms, multi-colored gumballs, a festive striped runner, and a rainbow cake. I made a few simple, but crowd pleasing dishes and served them in white platters to contrast all the color! It was perfect for the occasion.

We ate dinner around our farm style table with animated conversation that woke Roscoe only once. I would have liked for him to be present, but the time change has him sound asleep by 6:00pm. Toward the end of dinner we were happy, and full, and looking forward to the main event: dessert and the big reveal!

Our ultrasound was earlier in the afternoon and the tech sealed up the results in an envelope that we opened in front of everyone. I love the added suspense! Inside the envelope we found a single photo with a sticky note on top. When I pulled back the sticky, I searched wildly for "It's a girl" or a three lined image, but instead found "It's a boy!" with a distinct photo to match. I teared up as I opened the envelope--knowing the sex of the baby brings another layer of reality--and the joy of another son brought on more tears as I said the words out loud.

I'm thrilled, although it is hard for me to imagine a son that isn't Roscoe. I'm also curious to know what this new baby will look like--Roscoe completely surprised us with his light complexion and auburn hair. Now I imagine that all my children will look like him, but it's not crazy to think they could be complete opposites. There is so much to look forward to, not to mention the fact that Roscoe will have a little brother just 22 months younger.

Lucky ducks, I have high hopes for these two!

Reveal parties seem to be the trend of the moment. Have you been to one? Have you thrown one? What do you think of them?

A sneaky peak at Little Sears's Big Reveal theme

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (a birthday recap)

I turned 28 on Saturday the 14th, so this post is quite overdo. But I couldn't let August pass without sharing at least a few highlights. If I do say so myself, this year's birthday revelry was fabulous! I closed the books on 27, and rang in my 28th with all my favorite people and things.

Festivities were kicked off a week early when I was whisked away for the day by my sister and my mom. First, it was Mary Poppins off Broadway: I had no idea the storyline contained so many inspiring themes. The positive affects that a good nanny can have on an entire household, the value of appreciating people for who they are, the juggling act that is being a mother and wife, the importance of putting people first and being a good judge of character, the magic that is true love, the way that parenting comes full circle across generations, the importance of standing behind your man, and finally, the bittersweet nature of a child's growing independence.

With every job when it's complete
There is a sense of bittersweet
That moment when you know the task is done
Though in your heart you'd like to stay
To help things on their way
You've always known
They must do it alone
There. Practically perfect, and I hope it remains so.

Viewed through my "Momma Lens" I was a tearful mess! But then it was time for dinner on the waterfront. A new restaurant, creative and fresh squeezed beverages...I was in heaven! And that was before dessert had even arrived.

My actual birthday was spent at the zoo--an experience that I've been wanting to share as a family all Summer. I was not at all disappointed with Roscoe's enthusiasm for the animals--in fact it really made my day. It was so humid, and so crowded, the Duallie made a perfect Chariot for Roscoe and his many accoutrement's. We're planning another visit when the weather cools and the tourists vacate the city.

Later that night, our friends surprised me with cupcakes from a new cupcakery. They were perfect and Little Sears was so happy with the four cupcakes that Momma shared with her (there I said it, here's to the possibility that there's a baby girl abrewin').

And here's to the year ahead, which is beginning to look awfully full and mighty good!

301 posts!

I began blogging Marbles Rolling on April 25, 2009. I was 35 weeks pregnant with Roscoe and intended to post about the final weeks of my pregnancy and then to share our journey as new parents with our family and friends. In the beginning, Andy even posted on a regular basis. I imagined that the blog would serve as a space where I might post weekly updates and pictures to more or less document Roscoe's milestones.

I had no idea how much I would grow to love my new hobby.

No Idea. Whatsoever.

Looking back there was a lot that I didn't know at 35 weeks.

Like how insanecrazy we would feel during the first year. Or how difficult it would be to surrender to my new role--a fact that came to me mostly in hindsight. Or how delicious motherhood can be. and is. except for when it isn't! A year of contradictions, with rewards too overwhelming and wild to put to words.

Writing has always been an outlet for me, but before I discovered blogging I hadn't found a format that made much sense for the way I like to write. I have so many journals, all blank. Diaries? check. I even tried a word document-type journal. Nope. Didn't work.

Turns out that blogging is for me! Not only do I enjoy it but I've kept up with it. I look forward to it, and despite my busy days I find (and savor) a sliver of it to jot down something that stood out for me.

Life is fun, and good, and every day is extraordinary--of course I know this to be true about my own life but, after reading and following the lives of other moms in the blogosphere, it appears to be universal.

I'm flattered that you've made Marbles Rolling a part of your weekly routine. I've enjoyed sharing my adventures and getting to know many of you through your own blogs.

In celebration of my 300th post I want to open up the floor:

Do you have any questions you've been wanting to ask?

Come out of hiding and post a comment! Or become a follower! I'd love to get to know more of you.

Happy Father's Day

My heart is content to know that Roscoe has Andy for his Poppa.

Now and Forever.

Bradley fun

Jonathan turned one today and so we got to hang out with our Bradley friends for the afternoon! I love when we are together. The babies change so much between visits and their dynamic is hugely entertaining. Roscoe always plays the role of instigator: chewing, pinching, and pulling on anyone within reach. Do you think he'll outgrow this soon? Of course, I'm always appreciative and thankful for time with all my momma's too.

Happy Birthday baby J!

Cupcakes and birthdays

Yesterday was Andy's birthday. He turned 28, which is scarily close to 30. We've both been pretty apathetic towards birthdays of late. However, I couldn't let the day pass without a well-deserved birthday treat. As a surprise, I ordered cupcakes from Crumb in New York. Once, while visiting the Big Apple, we ventured out in search of a crumb cupcake only to find that the shop was closed. I've been left wondering ever since what these highly lauded cupcakes are all about.

They arrived packaged in dry ice and were perfectly defrosted by the time 7:30 rolled around. We were hovering, anxious to pig out on fun flavors like caramel apple, oreo, peanut butter cup, s'more, and cookie dough. In truth, they were impressively sized, decadent, fancy, and mildly disappointing.

My vote remains with Georgetown Cupcake. The two cupcakeries should have a throw-down.

Who knows if cupcakes in-store are better than those specially delivered, but despite their shortcomings, I'll admit that it was exciting to have those giant crumb cupcakes dropped on my doorstep. I'd highly recommend it, if only for delight and pleasure. Anyway, you really can't go wrong with cupcakes, even if they were a little dry.

And on another sweet note, a certain special baby will forever share a birthday with the love of my life. Darling Eleanora, welcome to the world!

Over already?

We really wanted to take time to celebrate our family on the week of Roscoe's birthday, and a staycation fit the bill nicely.

We mapped out in advance our planned activities for the week, packing the days with local experiences--some that are a part of our usual weekly routine, and others that were more like special events. We napped when Roscoe napped, watched a few movies via netflix, took lots of walks around the neighborhood, and tied up loose ends around the house including some baby gear/toy organizing and cleaning. I trained with my trainer twice, attended boot camp on Saturday morning, and made it to a boxing class midweek--and Andy found time to workout too. Oh. And we ate out A LOT--breakfast, lunch, dinner, delivery, brunch--we did it all!

It was a relief to leave work-related stress behind--an unusually hard thing for me to do since I work from home--and Andy's parents doggy-sat Chloe for most of the week so we had no pet responsibilities. Sweet reprieve!

On to the highlights!

I've been taking Roscoe to Gymboree since he was about 5 months old. It was fun when he was younger, but it's really great now--I love watching him navigate physical challenges--he loves climbing up and down the ramps and slides best. It is typical on the weekends to find moms and dads in class with their little ones, and we have enjoyed going to Gymboree as a family. Also, open gym hours offer unstructured play that can't be beat.

Open gym at Gymboree

We took Roscoe to the library for the first time on Tuesday. He immediately beelined for the bookshelves and pulled at least half of the board books off the rack. He pushed a chair up and down the aisles, played with puzzles, a bead maze, and made a few friends. I loved the library as a kid, and spent a lot of time there. I didn't realize the breadth of baby/toddler activities offered through our local branch and I hope to take advantage of their programs this summer.

Roscoe's first trip to the library

On Wednesday--Roscoe's actual birthday--we took him to one of our (and everyone else's in the region) favorite pizza joints, Two Amy's. The pizze d.o.c is superb, and everything on the menu is delicious. I've been inspired on more than one occasion to replicate their flavor combinations at home. I always leave craving my next visit. Afterward, we stopped at a toy store off Wisconsin called Tugooh Toys, where Roscoe picked out some cars and a book. He has a new fascination with things that go--trucks and cars in particular, which he enthusiastically points out by name. By the end of the afternoon Roscoe was beat, so he didn't get to enjoy any yummy gelato--but Andy and I definitely did!

A birthday outing in NW, DC

Later that night, my parents, who were vacationing in Hawaii last week when we threw Roscoe's party, came over to wish him a happy birthday. More gifts and more fun!

A visit with Grandma and Grandpa

Thursday we spent the afternoon on the national mall for an on-location photo shoot. More on this later, when we have pictures to share! I'm most excited about the fact that Mel wants to photograph our second (yet to be conceived) baby's birth. Yay!

On Friday, we went out to lunch and then to a movie: our first official date since Roscoe was born (except for the time we saw Avatar--but Roscoe slept the whole time we were gone). It was just the two of us, and it felt special to get out alone. Madeleine watched Roscoe from 1:00 to 5:30 and I put all things baby related out of my mind--have I mentioned how much we love our nanny? We watched Date Night, which was too fitting. Have you seen it?

Lunch for two

So, it's Sunday, and Staycation 2010 is nearing its end. If only we were independently wealthy, we could live like this every week! Instead, we'll look forward to July and seven days in Charleston.

How was your week? Have you ever staycationed?

Be Right Back . . .

We're taking a vacation this week! No big plans, just a nice hiatus from our regular routine and the opportunity to enjoy some much-needed family time. We do have a special day planned for Wednesday, a photo shoot with Mel on Thursday, and an afternoon date for me and Andy on Friday. Otherwise, we're catching up on our sleep and exploring local activities.

Blogging will resume on the 24th!

Roscoe's birthday party