losing baby weight

I recently started losing the weight that I gained when I was pregnant with Merritt.

Kind of anti-climactic at sixteen months postpartum, right? 

Ugh.

But let's take a little trip through the last couple years.

Here I am in Kauai, HI in 2008 in the high-range of a normal weight for my body. (Post Grave's Disease and a few months before we TTC).

And here I am 6 weeks pregnant with Roscoe after I lost ten pounds from the above photo:

Go Nat's!

I gained forty-six pounds with Roscoe and here I am with my sister on Mother's Day, one week before giving birth to him:

Five weeks after Roscoe was born I had just fifteen pounds to lose: 

Look at that little sweetie-boo!

If you followed my weekly McFatty Monday posts, you know I didn't lose those fifteen pounds until Roscoe was a year old. Even then, I lost twelve of them, not the full fifteen. 

Weeks 1, 12 and 20 of McFatty Monday progress to lose the final 15

Then I gained 4 pounds in the two months we spent trying to conceive Merritt.  Here I am posing 6 weeks pregnant with Merritt and headed to the office for a meeting.

Nearing the end in late January:

Three days before Merritt was born:

I gained 28 pounds during my pregnancy with Merritt and I lost none of it in the 5 weeks that we spent in the NICU. I ate hospital food to stay alert and to keep up with the insane schedule I was keeping. I was stressed beyond anything I've ever experienced and I'm sure that I gained weight while we were there.

When I finally brought Merritt home from the hospital, losing weight was on my mind but remained such a low priority that I never could commit to it.  

When Merritt was 5 months old I joined a CrossFit gym. I needed to do something to feel like myself, but the timing wasn't ideal. I had a nursling at home (who was still very much in the newborn phase), and I could commit to only 2 or 3 days a week. I was also carrying around an extra thirty-five pounds so I felt clumsy and awkward and out of shape. And embarrassed and miserable. But I kept going.

Then we moved to Richmond where I joined a new CrossFit gym. I go 4-5 days a week usually at 6am, which really deserves its own post so I won't elaborate here about how incredible it is and how I can now do unassisted pull-ups and toes to bar (and deadlift 270lbs)! It has been very rewarding and I love that I have that time set aside to devote to my fitness.

Eight weeks ago I got serious about the diet component and have lost 14 pounds, which feels like great progress, but I still have 22 pounds to lose before I arrive at my pre-babies weight. The surprising news is that I feel a greater level of comfort in my own skin, even now, than I've ever felt in my life. I'm not sure what to attribute that to. But I like it.

Is it the self-love work that I do every week with my therapist?!  The fact that I have two little souls to show for my effort and who depend on me to give them perspective in life--one that deservedly does not include negative self talk and loathing? Or maybe it is a desire to experience my life with my boys, through my body, feeling it all, and without regrets. I don't want to hide in this body. I want to live in it. And I want all the freedom that comes with that.

Maybe I will keep you updated on my journey back to baseline, it was motivating last go 'round!