June 27, 2012

What is thrilling, anyway??

I'm using a writing prompt today from the the NaBloPoMo June 2012 list
Would you ever go bungee jumping?

Generally, I like to play it safe with secure investments, lots of planning, always taking the long view. Caution and intention. 

I don't easily embrace change, I am challenged to thrive in times of uncertainty, and I don't enjoy risk if it involves anything that I might miss if I lose it, or that with some level of planning I couldn't recover from if the decision didn't pay off.

I like thrills every now and then, but not cheap ones just for the sake of them.

I'm not a physical sensation seeker. I've never had the desire to bungee jump. Sky diving, helicopter tours, parasailing, and hang gliding each attract me with intrigue to see the world from new perspectives. I think scaling walls and rock climbing would be a rewarding sport, particularly the adventures involved with seeking out new spots and routes.

If I'm honest I'm sometimes too practical, stifled by logic.

I know that every activity that we engage in presents a certain level of risk and that so much of what feels safe or feels risky is related more to how much power we feel we have in a given situation and less about what is truly safe or risky.

I've felt a heightened state of awareness since the kids were born, their very existence only magnifies for me the unpredictability and uncertainty that exists in life, which then demands acknowledgement of my own mortality. That is honestly the most frightening thing I can imagine, short of losing one of my own children. 

Sometimes I wonder if this new mindset means that I'll never again get to do anything daring or reckless. I'll always be their mother and my desire to protect my own person and health in order to be present for my family will never wane.

I often feel stifled in default mode, constantly seeking safety and control, which predictably leads to intense yearning for something wild. (I admit that I am susceptible to boredom.) I alternate in these cycles sometimes for good and sometimes not.

Perhaps what is more interesting is to wonder if I'll ever want to do any of those kinds of activities again or if my idea of what is thrilling, fear inducing, challenging, fun, or adventurous will continue to change with time: white water rafting and flying over hawaii in a private helicopter replaced by choosing yarn for my next knitting project or securing a date with my husband to scout out properties on which to build our dream house.

Would you ever go bungee jumping? What thrills you?

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