October 19, 2010

Love and Marriage

I've been feeling so odd lately. Odd like indifferent. Odd like blah. Odd like I can't muster the energy or interest to do much of anything anymore. Drained.

I think the prospect of parenting two babies is sending me into a panic. With Roscoe's birth I reluctantly succumbed to losing all control over my time and my life as I knew it. The first few days after Roscoe's birth were bliss. Day 3 to month 10 can aptly be described as chronically intense. However, we eventually found our rhythm as a family and settled into a familiar routine content and happy just the same. Then, as we started to truly LOVE our life again, we decided to get pregnant.

Boy was I thrown for a loop.

At the root of all evil lives sleep deficiency. I am convinced. I keep telling myself that if I think this is tough, just wait until Little Sears is nursing every 1.5 hours around the clock, and Roscoe remains a dynamo. What then? If I were giving myself advice I would say that the transition will likely be demanding on many levels, that it will require concession and adjustment, but that like all life events we will navigate the new terrain just fine, and that our days will resume a new normal that we will love equally as much as we did the old.

I think I believe this.

Maybe my real fear is that somehow in this effort to be the best parents we can be, that we are giving away to Roscoe everything that we have to give, leaving just a sliver for ourselves, and only a shred for our marriage. What will happen to us when there are TWO babies?! That is the question.

I've heard some speak of the importance to put relationship before kids, which makes sense in theory but what about practice? Does this mean we carve out one night a month for "date night"? That we protect a certain amount of designated Andy and Jacqueline time each week? I'm sure the answer is different for every couple but somewhere in all of this baby making and raising, we've undeniably lost something (and gained some things too).

The conundrum is that we WANT to give Roscoe everything we possibly can. That's why he's so incredible, no?! But obviously we can't do this alone, we need each other. And we both know it. So I guess this is the signal to add "relationship" to our to-do list.


  1. It is such a hard balance and I am only doing it with one! As horrible as it sounds I always tell myself I will figure it out because I am the kind of person who "always makes it work". This is not always a good theory to live by and in times past I would have been wise to have admitted I may have bitten off more than I could chew, but as long as you realize that your relationship with Andy is non negotiable then you will find other things in your life you can shall we say drop either in the short term or long term. Hang in there I know you can do this!

  2. I am right there with you girl; if you figue out the answer to this ever perplexing question PLEASE let me know. I am already feeling the pressure & it is very overwhelming to try & picture our future with a newborn & B. How happy we are to be expecting & to have B but how scary to imagine how to do it all for both kids plus ourselves!!

    All I know is WE CAN & WILL DO IT!!!!

  3. It is so difficult not to worry about how such major changes are going to effect the other aspects of your life. I frequently remind myself that I am not the first person to raise two (or three or four or five) kids and they all seemed to make it through in one piece. I believe that, despite the rough early days of infancy, having a child together brought my husband and I even closer together. I can only hope that that bond continues to grow with each child we add to our family.
    I'm sure a lot of your worrying stems from lack of sleep. I am much more sensitive and stressed about things when I'm not sleeping well. Throw in some preggo hormones and it's a recipe for disaster! I think it's really great that you already recognize that you are going to need to focus some extra attention and energy on your relationship with your husband. Like you said, you can't do it with our eachother!


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