November 21, 2009

2 ounces of sanity

Last week I received the breastshields I ordered from Hawaii--they arrived 4 days early in a crumpled box tossed on the back stoop. A brief bolt of fear struck through me as I envisioned my shields cracked, or worse. To my relief, they were in perfect condition.

That night after nursing Roscoe to sleep, I hooked myself up to the pump and immediately realized the difference in having a breastsheild that fits: suction.

Just a few minutes into the expression phase and the milk was flowing. The first let-down! Unfortunately, it was the only let-down. My 20 minute pumping session produced one let-down and a little less than an ounce of milk. One single ounce.

I was panicked. How can I workout if I can't leave the baby? I re-channeled my anxiety and committed to pumping once every night with the hope that my body would begin to make more milk in order to cover the "feeding". I've pumped every night since, and slowly but surely, I've been able to produce more milk--last night, 2 ounces which = 1 feeding.

What's even better is that I've been to the gym 5 times since I joined, and on the night that Andy braved it alone, he fed Roscoe a bottle and lulled him back to sleep. I arrived home to a quiet house, a long hot shower, and another pumping session.

It's hard to describe how it feels when everything works. Roscoe seems to be mellowing out and I'm back at the gym. I think I'm getting the hang of being Roscoe's mom, and I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. My life: different but improved.

Here's another note of thanks--I'm grateful for technology that allows me to mother the old fashioned way, and still keep up with the modern day.

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