Updating our Family Mission Statement

You may remember the Mission Statement, Family Rules, and Family Needs documents that I developed leading in to 2012. I had two babies under two years old so you can imagine where we were as parents and people trying to find balance and a sense of organization! These exercises were a great starting place and that mission statement has become a working definition for us that I continue to refine.

A copy of the latest version of our Family Mission, now renamed our Sears Family Purpose, hangs on our dining room wall and has been updated many times since it was first drafted:

Defining Success and Looking Ahead to the New Year 2015

There are many "New Years" for me throughout the calendar year.

Like a blank piece of paper new beginnings are delightful, and I thrive where I have space to dream up all the possibilities. Any place in time where I can envision the next 365 days unfurled at my feet like an unworn path is a promising point to begin.

I can rely on the turn of the seasons, my birthday, the boys birthdates, and of course January first to stir up an invitation for reflection, but any time is a good time if I'm in need of a fresh start.

I chip along at making what's good better, and righting our little family ship back on course in what feels like almost constant iteration, and so the official start of a new year and its accompanying goal setting rituals feels a little ordinary but no less fulfilling.

Last year's transition from Working Mama to Not Working Mama (and a homeschooling one at that), left me feeling a sense of loss for my professional self and a nagging lack of purpose. Despite feeling more relaxed and more present than ever before.

I was so content and yet, I wasn't.

I needed to find my focus so I enrolled in a workshop created by Jen Gresham at Every Day Bright and dug deep for a couple months to articulate what meaningful success looks like for me at this point in my life. Ambitious, educated, desiring adventure and connection and, most of all, striving to be a good mother to my two boys, a good friend and partner to my husband.

I'm sharing my definition of success here because it provides context for my intentions in the upcoming year, but also because it was a transformative exercise that gave the immediate payoff of feeling more peaceful about the decisions we've made for my career and the boys' education and our overall lifestyle. It also helped me to see very specifically how my writing can serve me in a professional capacity, even on a small scale, and without aspiration—or caveat—for getting paid.

I know I am not alone in having to work at finding a sense of purpose in the midst of the huge responsibility and joy and satisfaction that comes with mothering while also desiring to integrate the esteem that professional work can offer, maybe my words will resonate with something that you want for yourself:

Success is a comfortable and low stress lifestyle that allows me first to take care of myself, and then to be the kind of mother my kids deserve and need. To enjoy my mothering experience day-to-day is critical to my perception of short term success and a much-needed affirmation of my personal investment to our collective home-life. To nurture my marriage, familial relationships, and core friendships with intention and care, as well as with grace and generosity. To embody the BoldHeart life** in my decision making, and through our investments of time and money. My writing will complement and extend my desire to live life, and forge meaningful connection. My writing will develop and extend my voice and perspective in a way that penetrates the world outside my home. My writing will connect me to the experiences of others and vice versa. My published writing will provide the personal esteem that I crave and a professional platform for self expression and recognition.

**To be inspired; ask questions; take risks; pay attention to and nurture what I really care about; accept challenge; be a relentless learner: inquisitive, curious, and open to possibility; embrace imperfection; ground myself in nature; rely on creative and resourceful problem solving; seek personal truth and authenticity; stay engaged; listen and act on my own intuition.

________________

Now I'm really showing my crazy side for self awareness and personal growth but lets take a quick step back...

In 2008 I began reading Style Statement: live by your own design, but the workbook was lengthy and Roscoe was born shortly after, so discovering my style statement at that point in time just wasn't compelling.  Eventually though I made my way back to the book and in 2012 I coined the term BoldHeart and began to apply it in my every day life.  

Then, in late 2013—after reading another book by Danielle LaPorte called The Desire Map, a guide to creating goals with soul—I identified a handful of core desires that I wanted fulfilled on a daily basis: 

Nurtured.

Inspired.

Connected.

Peaceful.

Purposeful.

I refer to them often as overarching themes to guide my priorities.

________________

OK back to 2015! Before I share a few of my goals for the upcoming year, I'll tell you a little about what is working for us right now:

• After nearly 6 years I've finally learned how to take care of my mother self; I know what I need, I know how to ask for it, and how to prioritize self care. 
• I have a deep sense of purpose in my marriage and in my relationship with the boys. 
• Date nights have become a regular thing around here, and our collaborative investment in our individual and shared projects is at an all time high. We're keyed into and contributing to what matters to the other, and it hasn't always been that way. 
• Our family priorities and our investments of time and money are well aligned, and our routines are working pretty well for us. 
• We look forward to designing and building our house this year (if all timing works out!), to celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary, and to squeezing in some so-far-unplanned family travel where we can. 

For the next season of life, be it the first few months of 2015, or until I get the urge to reflect and revise again, here are my opportunities to improve: 

Nurtured: In 2015 I will continue my slow trek back to my pre-Merritt weight (oy!), and we will to continue to reduce our consumption of plastic as well as find greener alternatives to our favorite cosmetic and sundry brands. I look forward to applying a more significant and tangible approach to seasonal living. (I'm one week into the HomeSpun Seasonal Living workbook, if anyone else is interested.) 

Inspired: I plan to take a few local cooking and writing classes this year, and to attend the James River Writers Conference in October, and the VAHomeschoolers conference in March. I will also continue to improve my PBH mentoring skills and approach my role with even greater intention so that I can help the boys to make their ideas happen, achieve their personal goals, and develop as learners.  

Connected: I will continue to build relationships and community for myself around homeschooling and writing. Andy and I both want to invest a little more into our couples friendships, so we hope to add into our regular date night rotation some double- and family-dates with a few folks that we really want to get to know better. DIS-connecting from aspects of social media and simplifying the ways that I access information.

Peaceful: I will continue to work on modeling healthy ways to manage negative emotion and resolve conflict, as well as facilitate and support Roscoe and Merritt's sibling relationship. 

Purposeful: I'm going to write more! And work on making those latter aspects of my success definition fall into place. My first 5.5 years as a mother have been a whirlwind, but I have high hopes that 2015 will be the year that I really settle into and enjoy where we are in life and the choices that we’ve made to get here. 

Little Luxuries Bring Comfort and Joy: Winter Edition

I'm enjoying some of my christmas gifts so much that I thought I would share here in case you are in the mood to get yourself a little something to ring in the New Year. These are the little luxuries in life that bring comfort and joy to every day.

I followed Baron Fig's Kickstarter campaign last year and really could not wait for their Confidant journal to come to fruition. Baron Fig makes sketchbooks & notebooks designed with an underlying philosophy of simplicity, usefulness & community. I love the dimensions, the fact that it lays flat so you can dig into every page without a margin getting in the way, and options for blank, dot grid, or ruled pages. I also got a pack of the apprentice pocket notebooks so I can record all my little fly away thoughts before I forget them. I journal daily and I'm looking forward to filling up this pretty one with new ideas and memories in 2015.

Good travel writing is a fantastic way to get lost somewhere far away when you have only a few consecutive minutes to spare at any given time. Better than Fiction offers the unique twist of short nonfiction travel stories written by great fiction writers. I'm just a few stories in but look forward to being captivated by a new travel adventure each night before bed.  

My all time favorite Capri Blue's Volcano scent IN A SOAP! What a happy surprise under the tree. Volcano is the scent of tropical fruits, sugared oranges, lemons, and limes, redolent with lightly exotic mountain greens. What more is there to say? Well, it makes the whole bathroom (and nearby bedrooms) smell delicious, and it has a luscious lather. 

One of the big decisions I happily make each year is to choose an agenda. I am serious about my calendars and I heavily rely on them to stay organized. I enjoyed the Day Designer last year but decided on Emily Ley's Simplified Planner for 2015. It's full of color and downright cheerful, and it has all the space I need to keep track of my most important stuff: our daily routine, to-dos, and what's for dinner.  (She's sold out right now of all her planners, but I hear she has three new additions coming out in May and September.) 

This magazine makes me happy to tears when I read it. The writing is excellent, the photos are breathtaking, and every issue simultaneously stirs up and satisfies a mean case of wanderlust. The stories and highlights give an intimate perspective on some of the world's better known destinations but it really caters to the more obscure parts of the planet that I never knew I should consider visiting. When I want to be inspired for future family travel or just escape into dreamland the treasures inside make the vast world seem a whole lot smaller and accessible. 

Our personal philosophy and beliefs about food have been highly influenced by Sally Fallon and her book Nourishing Traditions. However, that text can feel a little overwhelming and without modern appeal. The Nourished Kitchen by Jenny McGruther bridges the gap for me with photography that invites and entices, and seasonally inspired traditional foods recipes that I want to cook and eat right now. This will likely become my next cook-through cookbook!

I recently switched all my makeup over to Alima Pure and I have never had this much fun, or felt as comfortable and confident in what I put on my skin every day. The colors. The brand. The products. Oh they are amazing, and these brushes make applying my makeup every morning effortless and even more merry. 

All year I have been documenting and displaying Roscoe's ideas, play, and process on our walls throughout the house as a way to reflect and share his learning.  I've found, however, that photos just aren't quite as illustrative in black and white. Nope. They are not. In times like these a laser color printer is pure joy! 

Envisioning our Modern Nature Home, first meeting with the architect: schematic design

We kicked off our home design process with a meeting of the minds last Friday night. We were asked to prepare in advance a document that would articulate what we want for the look and feel of the house (Vision), the primary materials we want to use, and the living spaces and their functions as we envision them (Program). 

Our vision is this:

A modestly-sized, environmentally sensitive, low-maintenance home that effortlessly integrates into its surroundings. Industrial and natural materials.  

A comfortable—sometimes luxurious—technologically enhanced, light-filled spaced inspired by modern design that melds minimalistic architecture and natural family living in fascinating and surprising ways; a relaxing retreat that invites nature to come inside.  

A floor plan that fosters intimate family interaction, and accommodates larger gatherings for entertaining. Spaces that serve a clear function and purpose. 

Transform the land into a sanctuary for good, easy living that brings us in tune with the river, ourselves, and each other. 

Materials: glass, concrete, wood, metal.

For the Program (a list of every space to be included in the house plan) we drafted detailed descriptions of each room's purpose and the elements we want to incorporate, from the guest bunk room to the vegetable garden and everything in between. 

Right now I'm most excited about the kitchen and project space: 

Kitchen/Dining 

A chefs workspace with high-end appliances and custom details like a larder, spice drawers, open display shelving, cookbook shelves, ample counter space and storage; room to accommodate lots of cooks and spectators in the kitchen and at the large family-style table. The feel of an eat-in kitchen with an expansive serving table for 12+. Under counter refrigerator and freezer.  

Project Space 

A designated project space that can evolve with the kids’ play/work, and that can serve the adults in the house equally well. Natural light. Multiple work surfaces: work bench, computer/desk counter space, open floor space for working on larger art projects. Wall and shelving display areas for posting ideas, storing art work and 3D representations. Built-ins: book shelves, and other shelving for ease of access and storage of art supplies. Not static. 

We've shared a lot of photos that illustrate the "style" of house that we want, but the schematic design process actually works in reverse order. They will first look at the Program we created and then, taking into consideration many factors from the land (solar orientation, slope, setbacks and easements, etc.), a floor plan will be configured. The floor plan will then dictate the shape of the house, and the exterior elements will come last.

The design process is so interesting!

It's humbling too because while our ideas may be big, our budget will be another factor to help constrain the design. I really love the look of glass-faced fronts but, not only is that impractical for our particular piece of land, it is cost-prohibitive. Same with cantilevered dwellings and concrete floors; they just don't go together unless you have extra money you want to invest in structural support. Getting real about cost and design makes me feel like this is really happening, and the tremendous value of hiring an architect is apparent already.

Based on our Vision, Program, and Houzz.com ideabooks, by early December we should have a few first-draft floor plans that we can begin to work with and refine!

Halloween 2014, vamps and ninjas

Roscoe and Merritt each made very detailed and specific lists last month of what they wanted to include in their halloween costumes. We went shopping together for a few key things and gathered the rest from home, checking off the lists as we went. The boys were very happy with their costumes and Merritt was shocked and thrilled when he won first prize in his age group for "scariest" at the SOTJ Homeschoolers Halloween party. I was so happy for him because he had a strong vision for his vampire ensemble and, as Roscoe's little brother, he's often in the shadow, but yesterday Merritt got a little recognition just for being Merritt. I wish I had captured his incredulous face when the judge witch rode by on her motor scooter to gift him with the prize box!

Later, my sister stopped by with a special delivery of potted venus fly traps and cotton candy, which made their day, and instead of the usual block party we opted for a downtown trick-or-treating event at the Children's Museum of Richmond—a perfect madhouse for these two.

Halloween this year was our best yet, we all agree—new joy and new surprises for all of us, which feels like an incredibly impossible thing but I'm beginning to see the pattern as time passes.

We closed on our river lot today!

Hooray! We closed on our river lot today. It is one big first step toward building our home here in the city and it’s a long time coming.

We signed the papers this afternoon and then headed to the lot for a little flag raising celebration. 

For the next four months we’ll be working with our architect to develop our home design. More to come on that but for now you can check out our Houzz.com Ideabooks to get a feel for the new direction we're headed. 

Homeschool: Let Go or Be Dragged

The start of the school year came and went for us without fanfare. Roscoe’s pre-schoolmates and the kids of most of my friends had started kindergarten by September 2nd, but the boys and I remained in Summer mode as we waited for the 9th to roll around. Eager for Fall’s arrival we spent what would have been Roscoe’s first official day of kindergarten picking apples in the humid heat atop a mountain in Charlottesville, and then roaming the promenade downtown for gelato.

The boys’ first day of school did eventually arrive, and the combination of a truncated preschool schedule and Merritt being slow to warm up to his new routine meant that Roscoe and I didn’t get the one-on-one project time we had planned for that week—though we were able to make up for it in the afternoons, the three of us.

First Day of Homeschool 2014

First Day of Preschool 2014, Merritt is pleased that he has his own decorated cubby

I’m very quickly developing an appreciation for the non linear unfolding of homeschool life.  It really does require a long term view or big picture perspective as the day to day happenings may or may not reflect our hopes or intentions. 

Let go or be dragged.

Our first month of homeschool has been a lot more relaxed and a lot more fun than I expected. The first week was awesome; Roscoe was so focused on dissecting, showing his brother the finished specimens, drawing them, taking pictures of his work, and watching dissection videos online. By the second week he he had satisfied his curiosity after dissecting eight animals, (which was actually accomplished over 4 weeks because he started this work in August) and next he wanted to practice computer skills; he wanted to watch documentaries about dinosaurs, and play make believe dinosaur games, and make animal habitats, and animal fort/dens for he and his brother to play in; he wanted to play animal charades; he wanted to go to Starbucks and order and pay for his own food. In the third week he called himself a mad scientist and made bubbling, oozing experiments in the back yard with self chosen ingredients from around the house, then changed direction again and asked to go for a nature hike, to scale the big ravine walls, to go to another coffee shop to play games from the game shelf. He’s requested trips to the library to play computer games and to check out books on everything from castles and knights, to secret agents, police, and military weapons. 

Roscoe's interests have rapidly taken on a life of their own. Some days I wonder where this homeschooling gig is taking us, but I can't help but marvel at his enthusiasm and joy for learning about the world around him.

Dinosaur play and documentaries

Smoothies and the introduction of Mancala

Successful rockwall scaling

Library mornings

Last week I introduced clay to the playroom and we had a collaborative making session contributing different pieces to a forest scene with caves, snakes, worms, snails, lizards, and other small creatures. This week we searched for different kinds of clay and bought some tools to expand their skills and exploration. Roscoe built onto the previous week’s theme and made a big sea serpent and added a bee hive to the inside of his cave, as he figured out how to twist the clay into a hive and pinch out plates on the back of the serpent.

3D representations in clay

We’ve made it to a few playdates at the park with our local homeschool groups, and friends. We’ve jumped right into Maker Monday’s with a handful of boys and girls ranging in age from 3 to 11 years to build and dismantle and explore together in the woods. 

A new friend showed Roscoe how to catch and hold chickens at Maker Monday

Working together to build a fort, learning how to use new tools, exploring 12 acres of family farm

We’re enjoying getting to know some other elementary school families while working along side them in the GROW Community Garden at a local private school that shares our learning philosophy.

Turning mulch, watering the beds, pulling weeds

All this to say that our homeschooling so far is feeling very UNSCHOOLING to me, which I’m coming to terms with. I’m open to following the unschooling path, and it does feel good for us right now. I also have to keep reminding myself that Roscoe is just five years old. He’s learning things! He’s learning how to ask questions, how to find answers, and he’s understanding himself better: how he likes to spend his time, what his interests are, and different ways to explore them. He’s made big strides in writing his name, and recognizing letters, and he’s learning about a lot of different kinds of making materials and ways to express his ideas. We’re enjoying our time together, which says a lot, and we’re meeting new people and experiencing new things every single day. 

Roscoe seems to be running with the freedom that he has to choose how he spends his project time. I can see one obvious project theme of animals/nature emerging, and several others that aren't as well documented: building and law enforcement. I imagine he'll settle into a deeper long-term project at some point, but we're not in a rush.  

Anticipation for the start of our school year has peaked and I’m happy to note that it’s still just us, doing what we always do but with a little homeschool twist. That the transition has been smooth and no big deal, really, comes as a surprise and a relief for this Type-A mama. That I’m having fun and enjoying the way our days play out is a sign that this is a good fit for me too.

Family Camping at Assateague State Park

Last weekend we took our first beach camping trip as a family. We pitched our tent in the sand with only a grassy dune separating us and the sea. At night the sky lit up with a billion stars like I haven’t seen in a long time, and the wind carried fire smoke on it’s tail. It was very beautiful, a little romantic, and a lot of fun, despite the kids being sick with bad colds and a few things we'd do differently next time.

The last time Andy and I had a real campout we were on a sandy beach in Kauai at the end of the 11-mile Kalalau trail. It wasn’t too long after that we learned I was pregnant with Roscoe, so it's been more than 6 years since we've slept under the stars, and never before with the boys. 

In the spirit of trying new things and getting out into the world with the kids, we picked a long weekend in September for a camping trip on the barrier island of Assateague. (Did you read the story of Misty of Chincoteague as a kid? These are the islands that provide the backdrop for those wild pony stories!) There are two main camping areas to choose from: Assateague State Park and Assateague National Seashore. There are subtle differences between them but we chose the state park because it felt more hospitable with hot showers and flushing toilets. 

It was a 4.5 hour drive for us and as we crossed the bridge to Assateague Island on Friday afternoon, we were greeted by wild ponies gathered along the shoulder of the road nibbling grasses as traffic slowed, and then backed up with spectators. That’s kind of the way it goes there. The ponies are everywhere and despite posted signage—graphic photo posters of reasons why not to touch or get too close (They bite! They kick!)—people cannot resist them. The horses are a huge draw for families, and photographers, and animal lovers alike. We were not disappointed!

Welcome to Assateague! 

We set up camp soon after we arrived and then took to the beach. 

Unpacking

Car camping at the dunes

The ocean is always magnificent, and the kids pranced wild and free until they remembered that hot cocoa was next up on our itinerary. 

Sears Brothers

We warmed milk on our little one-burner stove and added to it a homemade cocoa mix that we'd brought from home. We read bedtime stories, and sang by the fire. Yes, I've been practicing my singing voice, and Roscoe and Merritt are really into it so they’ve taken up learning the songs that I’m learning, which is very sweet and endearing. We've had a lot of fun with it lately and the campfire set a great stage.

The makings of bedtime at the beach

The quadruple marshmallow roaster

Ghost crabs were abundant in the evening! (In Merritt's hand)

Headlamps are a must for camp kids

The kids were asleep by eight, and Andy and I enjoyed the nighttime breezes and a marshmallow or two before we crawled into our makeshift family bed around nine. 

Sunset over Assateague

One of my happiest memories from camping as a kid was waking up to the cold air of morning and then, with few cares in the world, nestling deeper into the warmth of my sleeping bag until breakfast was ready. I'm in charge of the morning routine now and I loved waking up to the sunrise, leaving the kids to snuggle together, and preparing breakfast as Andy worked on building the fire. 

Shortly after breakfast the ponies came through camp. Someone tipped us off about five minutes before they arrived so we walked to the end of our loop and waited for them. A little herd of five ponies walked through each site, sniffing and nibbling and picking through whatever they could find. We quietly trailed them for as long we could without taking our bare feet too far from our own campsite.

Cautious excitement

We didn't know it, but Saturday was National Park Day and we had free admission into the Assateague National Seashore. There were a number of great beaches, and three perfectly short hikes that offered a glimpse of the different eco-systems in the area: Life of the Forest, Marsh, and Dunes trails. Each a half mile long, we had hoped to hike all three but the mosquitoes were swarming and we turned back on the forest and dune trails because we just weren’t up for the itches; I think we're still recovering from the trauma of black fly bites in Maine! Instead we spent the rest of the morning into the afternoon at one of the nearby beaches.

Later, and still in our suits, we stopped in at the Assateague Island Visitor Center to check out the educational displays, while the kids spent most of their time at the touch pool with scallops, clams, mussels, and a horseshoe crab. 

On our way back we dropped Andy off at our site to enjoy a little respite while I took the kids to a playground near our camping loop. Then it was dinner and campfire antics, and early to bed for all of us.

We hope to make camping a bigger part of our life outdoors because it offers such a unique and intimate nature experience, and we can set up camp just about anywhere that we'd like to spend more time or explore. The biggest obstacle is equipping ourselves properly and streamlining the packing process so that we can prepare for our trips without spending hours gathering and re-packing supplies, meal planning, and trying not to forget anything important—and I find that everything feels important when we're camping! Designated storage bins to hold all our gear in one place, plus a printed checklist would be a really helpful start.  

As for equipment, a few key items would have made this trip even better. Good sleep is no less important when on vacation, and sleeping on the sand made for hard nights for us adults. We had lazily improvised a family bed of sleeping bags on the bottom and a down comforter on top, which isn't an arrangement I would choose again. After discussing with a few of my friends who regularly camp with their families I think we'll invest in two queen air mattresses. We'd also love a bug screen to prepare food and eat under, and a bigger stove so we have more versatility at mealtime.

We Love Camp!

If you plan to visit Assateague, here are a few other activities that caught our eye that we didn't make time for:

In addition to kid-friendly hikes, there were quite a number of free ranger guided park programs available like clamming, and crabbing lessons. We didn't have proper footwear so we skipped them, but next time we'll look forward to those. Canoes, kayaks, paddle boards, and bike rentals are also available in the national park. I would also suggest bringing bikes and helmets if you have room because both the State and National Parks are very biker friendly with paved trails throughout.

Do you have any tips to share for family camping newbies like us?