Fostering a Spirit of Philanthropy at Home

I wrote this post for RichmondMom. You can read the full post here.

Donations to the VCU Children's Hospital (2102) and Community Clean Up (2010)

If the word Philanthropy connotes an act of giving reserved only for the wealthiest or most privileged families, think again!

To be a Philanthropist simply means to DO GOOD by sharing your talents, interests, and resources of time, money, or voice. Acts of giving will look different for every family, but any effort, big or small, which blooms with intention to directly or indirectly improve the human condition now or for future generations, that’s Philanthropy!

Ready to get started? Here are a few ways you can cultivate a philanthropic spirit in your home:

Practice: The best way to begin to establish a new routine is to practice the desired behavior or skill. Integrate a tradition of giving, and communicate and nurture in your family life a value that says giving back is an important and worthwhile responsibility. Let the seasonal changes inspire your opportunities to give back, but don’t save all your love for the Holiday.

Lead by example: Invite your kids to observe and participate in your grown-up acts of philanthropy, whatever they may look like. Demonstrate your personal commitment to the causes your family chooses to support and work alongside your kids to accomplish shared goals. By working together you’ll foster a deeper connection with each other and develop a greater sense of purpose and belonging within the context of your community.

Identify or create an opportunity: Consider the shared interests of your family members, your combined availability, and the amount of time or money that you feel you can give. Let your child decide how he or she wants to get involved. Think big! Think small! Think local! Think International! The opportunities you choose should encourage a sense of awareness, appreciation, curiosity, and compassion for others. Above all else keep it fun and age appropriate.

Document and celebrate your efforts: Keep track of the work your family does, the causes you contribute to, the events you volunteer for, or the small acts of kindness that you offer to others. Maybe you’ll take photos or video clips, keep a family journal, or create a wall hanging or poster to display in a common area of your home. However you choose to document your adventures, regularly review and celebrate all the ways your family works together to make your world a better place to live.

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We're Considering Homeschooling

Since their birth, I have deeply felt the profound demands of my role as a mother and so have never seriously considered (or had interest in) adding to it the responsibility of personally delivering the boys' formal education. Always with an open mind, but also having little experience with homeschooling methods, I've held preconceived ideas and curiosities about the kind of family who chooses to homeschool, what motivates them, what their intentions are, what their learning days look like, and how the decision translates for their children in the short and long term.

With that said, Roscoe turns five in May and planning for the 2014 school year has been in the works for months already. We are confident that Roscoe should have a play kindergarten year versus an academic one. We submitted our application to Waldorf last month although interviews won't begin until after the New Year.

Recent conversations I've shared with a few mothers outside my circle, whose ideas, philosophies and perspectives on child-rearing (and life) I really respect, have sparked a sudden shift in my thinking on the subject of formal education. Given that 1. every kid has different emotional, developmental, and educational needs over time, and 2. every family unit has changing needs and priorities as a function of finances, proximity and access, career paths, childbearing, and more, it makes sense that a child's education doesn't have to be all or nothing whether public, private, or home school is chosen.

I'm learning that children from many families I know have experienced a mix of these educational models; weaving in and out in a nonlinear progression that reflects the needs and resources of their family at given points in time. With this mindset, to choose to homeschool feels less a commitment, and more an opportunity.

Our primary motivation to homeschool is the freedom and flexibility that our family would have to live, work, and learn together (we only have one short lifetime!) and the resources it would free up to do some serious traveling as a family throughout each year. 

The kindergarten year feels ideal to begin with, and the leap from play-based Waldorf to home-based learning doesn't feel that great. Maybe we'll love it, or need to tweak it (probably!), or learn that it's not for us. However it manifests, it's exciting to think about what the upcoming school year could be like for us with the river city as our classroom, taking advantage of the well established local homeschool network to support our learning, and then stepping out to explore the world together.

This year I've grown to love even more the Reggio-Emilia approach that the boys are engaged in at preschool, which highlights project based learning. If we decide to move in this direction, we would probably adopt that approach.

We are definitely in the exploratory phase of this inquiry, and right now I'm honestly working through my ambivalence on a range of topics and what-ifs that stem from this surprising change in heart. While I will attempt to figure out the biggest pieces, I am compelled to be bold in making decisions that feel right, knowing and trusting that we will figure it out as we go.

This could be the craziest idea we've had yet, or the most incredible, right?!

If you are considering homeschooling your kids, where is your process taking you? If you are a homeschooling mama do you have resources to share?

A few resources I've been pouring over:
The Camp Creek Blog: project-based homeschooling
Project-Based Homeschooling: Mentoring self directed learners
Virginia Homeschool Groups: Community groups for local support and collaboration
VaHomeschoolers: the organization of Virginia homeschoolers
The VaHomeschoolers Connection: the VaHomeschoolers blog
The Home School Legal Defense Association: learn the laws in your state

Other books on my radar:
Working in the Reggio Way
An Encounter with Reggio-Emilia: Children's Early Learning Made Visible 

Santa's Lap: 2013

Roscoe 4.5, Merritt 2.5

I think this year's photo captures their personalities well. Roscoe is looking quite mischievous and Merritt is keeping it cool.

The Ultimate Foodie Mama Gift Guide 2013

I wrote this post for RichmondMom. You can read the full article here. 

If you’re wondering what to gift to the passionate, hardworking, and hedonistic foodie mama in your life, or just need a few ideas for yourself, look no further! I've got some goodies to inspire your gifting this Holiday Season.

Details, prices, and places to shop after the jump!

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Home, moving forward

We are in the process of tying up loose ends with the seller of the Varina lot to recoup our earnest money and be released from the contract. The Seller contacted a lawyer about our request to be released and is now asking us to cover some of the costs he incurred for the perc test and survey. That may turn into another story but for now we are hopeful that we will soon be cleared from any perceived financial responsibility owed to the property owner.

It was back in June that we first eyed that parcel of land, and here we are six months later and the whole deal has fallen through. We were cautious but optimistic moving through the steps to purchase the lot, however, by September we were feeling pretty good about our chance for success and so when we learned that our landlord was listing our former rental house for sale, we didn't think too hard before scooping up another little rental across town. We signed an 18 month lease, with a month to month option after that, and moved-in over the month of October. We calculated a year needed to design and finance our Varina home, then another 6-8 months for construction.

Now that we're here, in this little house, with no land and no home building project in the works, we've decided to just cool it for the next year. We looked around some for other available properties, and it really is such an investment in time and energy, we are feeling ready for a break after all the excitement and dashed hope. Our original intent was to wait until next year to get serious about finding land, anyway, but when a chance opportunity presented a large, reasonably priced, ideally located parcel of land, we wanted to go for it.

Fortunately, the location of this new house that I've affectionately coined our "little dump", is central to all our favorite places, and we're back in the general neighborhood we lived in when we were in college. Happy memories!

Less than a mile from our new rental, I can run by the river every day!

Despite the nickname, we are feeling quite happy with this place. The floor plan is much better suited for life with two kids, who still require so much attention and assistance with their activities. We can hear and see each other from almost anywhere in the house, and they seem happier to play independently because I am always nearby.

It is a single level with two bedrooms (the kids are sharing with bunkbeds!), 1.5 bath, a laundry room (major upgrade from the laundry closet in our last rental), an office for me, a sunny playroom for the kids, a central kitchen/dining/living space, and a huge fenced in backyard. The detached garage and finished attic provide a lot of storage space and so we quickly went to work filling it all up with the stuff that we don't regularly use or need. Much of our furniture is in storage, and most of the clutter is stored in the attic.

I've been practicing a toy rotation so that the kids can enjoy all of their things in a way that is more meaningful, and I'm pleased with how well it is working out for all of us. The attic space has a great pull-down stair, which has made it so convenient to move toys into and out of storage every week.

We also have all wood floors so there are no carpets to stain, and we purposely left our floor rugs in the garage so that all we have to do is a quick sweep and the house is tidy. No more vacuuming.

It is our dreaming nature to always have something in the works, and both Andy and I feel like relaxing for a bit. (But of course, last night I brought up that I'd actually like to have another a baby, pretty sure! And I realize that would be quite another project, but...we will have to feel that one out.) We're streamlining, and simplifying, and it feels good so we're going with it. If a magical property appears perhaps we will consider it, but we've turned off our searches for now.  

The Half Marathon

Naturally, we were running late on Saturday morning, and traffic was disordered due to road blocks and other race infrastructure challenges. I hopped out of the car five or six blocks from the course after we realized we were traveling in futile circles. I made my way to the start line, skipping the long waits at the port-o-johns in favor of chancing it somewhere along the course.

I missed my 2:30 heat, but joined the very last group of runners, marked with a "J" instead of a pace time. Squished in to the crowd, we inched our way closer to the official start, the bandstand music blaring louder and louder. The rain had been pouring in sheets all morning but transitioned to a cool mist as we started out down Broad Street.

I'm learning to be confident in claiming all parts of me, not just the ones that I am best at, or most talented, or the ones I get paid for. All the parts of me that bring me joy are of equal consequence and so I am a runner. I like the solitude that running offers. In that space I can be in the moment or out of it. I can go places when I run, and I can feel my city in a way that just isn't possible in a car. Races are an especially happy aspect of running. I feel a super sense when I am on a course, a heightened awareness that is energizing and just feels really good. The runners, the spectators, the sounds, the views. The work of pushing my body to move distance, across time. I love that running is truly for everyone. I love that people are at the heart of every race. I like running alongside them, being passed, and passing too. Energy radiates and the race is our one shining opportunity to culminate many months of effort and preparation.

I started the run counting miles up, until I got to the halfway point, and then I started counting miles down. The course was hilly around miles 6 and 7 but flattened out again after that. My toes fell asleep a few times and required a little stretch in the last half, but otherwise, I felt pretty strong.

When I reached the 12 mile mark, I was ready to be done, knowing that the last .1 mile always feels incredibly far. Distance running and birth share some sentimental parallels for me and so I thought a lot about my client mamas, and my friends, and my own birth experiences in that last little stretch.

A nice surprise was that the final .6 miles of the course was downhill, which made for a mad sprint to the finish.

This morning, Roscoe insisted that I wear my medal around my neck to drop him off at school. I obliged his request and as we said our goodbyes I offered it to him to keep for the day. I stayed back to chat with another mom, and caught the beginning of morning circle time, when he stood up and told the story of how his Momma ran a half-marathon and won, holding up my medal to prove it.

Listening practice, another step toward caring for self

If I can sum up my goals for this upcoming year in just one word, it is: LISTEN

I'm really good at following the lead of my kids, observing them, listening and validating their needs, trusting them, and mothering them in ways that respect who they are. 

I'm really good at following the lead of my mama clients in birth, observing them, listening to their needs, trusting their bodies, and supporting them in ways that respect and facilitate their priorities and their process. 

I believe that little bodies and birthing bodies have innate intuition, insight, and guidance. Yet, in order to be heard there needs to be someone present and willing to listen. 

Despite how ingrained TRUST IN BODY is for me, I've had a slow realization that in some very basic ways I've lost touch with my own inner knowing. Over time, and with a lot of practice, I've become accustomed to ignoring and overriding the voice that signals hunger, fullness, a need for sleep, or time to rest. I've lost trust in my own body to tell me what it needs. 

I don't mean to imply that I have an inherent flaw, I'm referring to the subtleties of : 

• over-committing my person or my time to activities that I know aren't the best use of my limited resources. 
• choosing to stay up late watching another episode of my favorite show instead of listening to my exhausted body and going to bed to refuel with adequate sleep. 
• Eating lunch at noon just because it's "lunchtime", even though I'm not hungry.
• Ignoring hunger for hours because I'm immersed in writing or running errands, or think I'll eat less overall if I can just hold off. 
• knowing that what I really need now is to read a book, or take a yoga class, or chat with a friend, or take a nap, and instead of honoring those requests I feel compelled to check social media accounts, run 5 miles, check off items from my work to-dos, or stay awake to tidy the house. 

Do you know what I mean? 

I used to make these little decisions as a result of a lack of awareness, but lately it has been in spite of a rather well developed one. I'm switching gears from ignoring and overriding what I feel, to cultivating a generally quieter and less stressful lifestyle more conducive to hearing even the softest calls, listening for them, hearing them without judgement, trusting that there is some wisdom present, and then choosing to care for myself.

So, this week the kids have been sick with Fall colds, and I have had a lingering migraine that served as my first cue that I was probably next in line for a scratchy throat and sinus congestion. I've been dragging all week, just tired, and grumpy.

Instead of using the time that I generally rely on to get my work done and to write, and to keep home, I chose to spend most of it sleeping or laying about. It's a hard thing to do, to choose self care over productivity, but I have to start somewhere, and this week while my list of to-dos remains lengthy, it feels really good to practice listening.

Walking away from our dream lot

As of last week, we've had in-hand everything needed from the seller to properly assess and review the feasibility of building a home on this lot: a soil test with certification letter, and an official survey.

When the land survey was delivered in early October, it became apparent that we needed to learn more about the right-of-way owned by Henrico County and so we began an inquiry to determine if and for how much we could buy the acreage back.

Without sharing every painful detail, over the past few weeks we have been in touch with the Real Property department to check-in and gather progress updates. All was looking promising until today. Of the three departments that needed to officially sign off on the request, Utilities said it was not a problem as did the Planning department.

I called this morning to inquire about Public Works, the department responsible for roads, and was told over the phone that they are holding on to the right-of-way for future road projects, and then this afternoon I received the official document signed by the Director of Public Works.

And so there it is.

Some time in the yet to be determined future, Varina Road will be realigned, and the uncertainty of what that project may entail (a two lane road? a four lane road?) presents a whole host of unknowns that just doesn't feel like our "dream" lot as it first appeared.

In addition to all the building restrictions placed on the land, as detailed in this post, the fact that one day there will also be a major road fronting the property, essentially in our front yard, is enough for us.

We're going to think on it tonight, but we'll likely have to pass on this one.

Isn't that a bummer, to have to start back at the beginning?