Maine Family Travel: Summering like Mainers

A foggy morning at the tidepools. Popham Beach, Maine.

Still Maine sun-kissed and bursting with the happiest of memories, we have been home now for two weeks. The transition back into Richmond Summer life has been easy and good. Our on-vacation routine is working well here too as we continue to seek out active mornings and lazier afternoons. Our first week home felt like a frenzy of family time—a Sears family dogpile—as we were all so enthusiastic to catch up with Poppa and to find time together. We were overflowing with everything Maine and yet delighted to be home with half of Summer yet to unfold.

Through our region runs the James River; it is at the heart of our life in Richmond and its banks are not only the backdrop for much of our adventuring outdoors, but also a source of entertainment and inspiration for living and pursuing the BoldHeart life as we do. There are several bridges that cross the river and whenever we drive over them I sing out to the boys: "Theeeere's the riverrrr! Isn't it beautiful? We sure do love our city!" Roscoe and Merritt join in with fist pumps, or a woohoo!, or their own observation of the boulder studded waters as they flow Southeast to the Chesapeake Bay. Sometimes the kids begin the conversation even before I remember to, and I'm happy knowing that my little gratitude ritual has integrated into their way of taking notice of what's around them.

When in Maine my eyes were wide open for the details and beauty of the region, from the coast to the city to the highlands. It was that acute level of awareness that it seems only vacation can afford. An intermission, where the responsibilities of regular life and routine scatter out to somewhere else and the romantic unfamiliar newness of what's right in front of you is everything you need to feel contented and alive. I had a strong intention to find that space going into the trip and Maine's magic made it easy.  

Maine was water, water, everywhere. We lived lakeside on a peninsula, and wherever we ventured was bordered or paralleled by more water: inlets, harbors, a river, a stream, or open ocean.

In our first weeks away I remember thinking how our little river back home just paled in comparison to the majestic waterscapes we were being gifted with in Maine. I shouldn't have worried that apathy might set in upon our return home though, because Virginia in Summer is as beautiful, albeit familiar, as anything we encountered up North. It was nice to still be wearing my Maine colored glasses when we crossed the Virginia border and journeyed South through the I-95 corridor to home. When I pay attention, nature's landscape blows me away no matter where it lives.

When Andy left in mid-June, after two dreamy and adventure filled weeks, our family vacation bubble burst and I spent a few reluctant days talking myself down, wondering why had I chosen a 6 week stay? By then I had a really good perspective on Maine, we had seen and explored so much of the state already, and I had been spoiled in having someone to share the feel good highs and the load of parenting responsibilities, while also finding the relative luxury of free time here and there to exercise and write. At the midway point of our trip, three additional weeks felt excessive for a solo parenting stint and my first inclination was to wonder why we were still there at all.

Though three or four weeks would have been sufficient, I'm so glad we stayed as long as we did.

The last three weeks were more relaxed, lazier, like the quintessential Summer away that I had craved. We spent more afternoons pinking up under the sunshine at the lake, and making friends with our neighbors. We had time to host visitors and to share a glimpse of our Maine rapture with those we love when my parents stopped in for a few days on their way to meet friends further up the coast, and another of our friends from home joined us for a long weekend.

Proximity and time also made it possible to rendezvous with Nicole who writes at Adventures in Tullyland. We've been reading eachother's lives for the last 4 years and to finally meet up in person was so nice. The kids and I also reunited with special family friends whom we first met through our birthing class when I was pregnant with Roscoe. Connecting with kindred mama spirits while away from home was really meaningful and I'm glad that we happened to be near to where they were vacationing in neighboring states, and that our stay overlapped with theirs.

Those last twenty-one days allowed us to revisit our favorite spots many times over, which gave us a more intimate knowledge of Maine and a sense of connection to the land that we wouldn't have left with had we stayed only long enough to experience the highlights.  I like to think we got to live like real Mainers. 

Maine Family Travel: realizing all that is good about it

Found Treasures: moose antler, lobster claw, 'gull feather

I have truly been overwhelmed by the beauty of Maine and the ways in which the landscape recalls some of my best childhood memories growing up in Northern California; I have felt at home here since we arrived. To revisit those good memories while making new ones alongside my young boys has been sublime. I revel in the energy I feel every morning to get an early start on the day. I am motivated in a way I haven’t felt in a while to experience everything. Anticipating tomorrow is a small thrill; I can’t wait for the next beach, trail, or landmark to adventure through. For the last three weeks I've just been soaking it all in; at a loss to find adequate words for the fulfillment of the day, and empty to the bones for extra energy in the evening beyond what is required to plan for tomorrow before the cool sun sets and I’m called by the darkness to rest.

Andy left earlier this week after thirteen days with us. His time spent here was the least connected to his work that he’s ever allowed, and it was an affirmation that he made it so. He loves what he does and is challenged like the rest of us to balance his work life and his family life, especially around time off and vacation. While here, he engaged us in the tightest embrace we've felt in a long time. The conversations we had during the first week that I spent here alone with the kids, and then in the two weeks that we shared together, carved yet another deepening of the intimacy in our marriage. It came about unexpectedly and in a way that leaves me smiling to recognize that this is our friendship and our love for each other manifesting. For the wonder I’ve carried about my ability to see through the lifelong commitment of marriage I finally feel a hush settling in, a sense of inner confidence growing quietly in its place. The years we have left together feel only but a comfort and a privilege.

The kids tell me every day how much they love it here, and I suppose there is something about our being alone together in an unfamiliar place that sparks for them an emergence of our family’s identity. I've noted it in the boys when new friends ask where we’re from and they proudly exclaim Richmond, Virginia! Or when they realize that we say tadpole, and they say polliwog. It’s the sudden urge they feel when they are enjoying something in the moment so much they are compelled to stop and call for a Sears Family huddle, or to belt out into Maine’s great blue sky how much they love us or each other. They are beginning to piece together and communicate what makes us special as a unit and I can feel their gratitude and their joy for this experience. It adds a satisfying layer for me to see this all come to fruition.

We are sad that Poppa is gone and truthfully I could have left on Wednesday with Andy and the boys and a very full heart if we had planned it that way. As I often feel when I am parenting solo and to paraphrase a line from the book I’m reading now: I learn in his absence that I can hack it on my own, and that I prefer not to.

I always find satisfaction in my independence when making things happen and keeping things together, and moving the kids through the day and night on my own two feet; but I miss companionship when I’m alone for long and I’d rather experience all this good stuff (and share the challenges too) with him by my side.

Still, Roscoe and Merritt and I have three weeks more to continue to seek out and revisit other and newly favorited parts of Maine. We’ll be slowing down a bit and making an effort to stay closer to home so we can soak up this Maine Summer as it marches forward.

Our vacation so far has been much more than I expected and everything that I hoped for in terms of building connections with each other, experiencing a new part of the world together, and venturing outside of our comfort zones to grow in ourselves and as a family. It has also piqued my interest to travel more of the United States before considering trips abroad. We have a beautiful and magnificent country right here and I haven't seen most of it. The parts I do know that I love I would also like to see again with the kids so I am curious how our vision for travel over the next year or two will take shape in consideration of what we're learning through this first family travel experience.  

Magical Maine

Right now Maine’s rugged landscape is embellished with spring, decorated and gorgeous. The forests here are a mix of pine, oak, maple, birch, and beech trees, and the effect is magic—the quintessential Maine I’ve only known to exist through books or on TV. Scenic roadways trace the water's path and connect a network of small towns that come alive in the summer months like idyllic illustrations of the good and simple life. Stoic boats sit in wait, hoisted high above the ground on stilts for repair; their weary bows find reprieve from the unforgiving sea. Lobster traps are stacked in high rows, four cages deep, with buoys carefully draped on the walls of dilapidated homes. The lighthouses stand tall at their cliff's edge, softened only by the rolling hills that rest behind them. The deep rhythmic boom of waves breaking on bedrock that juts from the coastline in dramatic display is a familiar comfort. Bright skies or fairweather clouds decorate the horizon on any given afternoon. Sea spray drifts and morphs into that delicious salty ocean air.

Water beyond the coast appears still, ruffled only by the cool breezes that make their way inland or when the slow siphon of the tide exposes it's underbelly of black mudflats. On the lake the birds brashly chirp in harmony, and the struck chord of a banjo string is the call of the frog. The waters of the lake are ever-changing, never boring. This morning they were a still pool of green, chartreuse and indigo; a rainbow of muted tones reflecting off the surface, mist rising near the shoreline. I would happily greet the first light of every summer sun in this way.

The air up here is much cooler than down south, still in the 60s and 70s mid-day, and sweater weather in the early morning and evening when we sit in nature’s silence after the kids have gone to sleep. Day and night Maine is brimming with life and beauty. It’s the beginning of high season now—the tourists are pouring in and claiming little bits of the state as their own. As we are too.

Traveling with kids from Virginia to Maine, a few tricks that made it easier

We have been exploring Maine for just over a week now and are feeling right at home. It was my intention to write nightly and post photos in a timely way but without a break in parenting responsibilities it has been a tough routine to create. While I overestimated the energy I would have at the end of every day to do anything at all productive, Andy joined us last Thursday night so I hope to find a groove this week. If you want to follow along in a way that more closely resembles real-time check us out on Instagram @MarblesRolling.

Our little house has an incredible lakefront view that we look forward to morning and night.

The drive up was lush with Spring and all the way through Connecticut the landscape felt pretty much like Virginia does this time of year: leafy, rolling hills in shades of green, blue, and gray where distant mountains appear in layers at the horizon. We saw a spattering of brick and concrete through New Jersey and Pennsylvania but mostly it was winding roads through countryside.

We broke up the drive into two days: an 8.5-hour first leg and a 4-hour second leg, which ended up taking us 14.5 hours total. On our first day of travel we left Richmond at 7:20am and made it to Hartford Connecticut by 4:00pm; we managed only to stop twice along the way: once for gas and the restroom, and again for a side-of-the road potty break (our favorite kind).

The kids were surprisingly cool about all the time spent in the car. It helped that my expectations were low and that I planned ahead in timing (they missed the last day of preschool so we could get an early start) and for ways to keep them well fed and entertained. We have been planning for this trip for more than six months and their personal investment and excitement for all parts of the adventure was evident; everyone was pleasant, and cooperative for the duration. Unheard of.

When we arrived at our hotel in Connecticut we ordered dinner in our room, and the kids' enthusiasm continued as they exclaimed love for the glasses we drank out of it, love for the bedsheets and comforter, love for the view of Hartford from our hotel window. They hugged and kissed each other a lot. After dinner we went for a swim and then fell asleep relatively early.

The second leg of the drive began early the next morning and felt a lot more tedious because we were that much closer to our final destination, and the shorter drive just didn’t require the stamina that the previous day had demanded. As we left Connecticut and moved into Massachusetts the quintessential New England landscape emerged with steeples and rooftops poking up and out of fluffy textured tree cover. We stopped in Massachusetts for gas and to eat breakfast, then piled back in the car eager to cross into New Hampshire and eventually Maine. 

We were in need of escape from the confines of the car, Maple's to the rescue

When our path began to parallel the ocean I knew we were getting close, so I loosened up a bit on taking a direct route and we veered off for another pit stop just passed Portland for a few scoops of Maple's Organics incredible gelato. (It seems that many of our friends are traveling to Maine this summer, so for those of you who are, this is a nice little place to relax for a bit if it's near to where you are staying or on your way to somewhere else.) 

I had a lot of anxiety leading up to this trip, a function of my usual catastrophic thinking mixed with a little fear for embarking alone with the kids on a six week stay in an unfamiliar house and town. As the minutes to arrival counted down on GPS, and as I finally set sights on the sign that marked our street, and then turned off the main road on to a dirt drive my heart lifted a little; and when I parked the car on a little flat spot above the house and caught glimpse over the rooftop and through the trees of sunlight sparkling on the lake I felt awash with relief. This town, this house, this lake, they really do exist! 

A few tricks that I found helpful for traveling long distances with young ones:

• Keep the goodies out of sight until you really need them: I kept all the activities that I packed for the kids up front with me until the circumstances or attitudes warranted a change. We started the drive with only the usual suspects: a snack, their books and magazines (National Geographic Kids, High Five, Ranger Rick Jr.), and their saved Playmobil and Lego catalogs). 
• Bring one of everything, not one for each kid: I found that having only one of each toy/app/activity worked out well because the boys had the opportunity to grow bored and then trade the "old" for the “new.” 
• Maximize nap time: I made a rule that whenever one kid napped the other could use the iPad to watch a movie, which bought me double the quiet time because they each took naps at separate times. Timing the road trip around naptime is probably an obvious help.
• Download a few new apps and games, or movies: Before we left I downloaded a selection of the movies we own from Apple TV and also bought a few new game apps for the iPad (Toca Builders, MineCraft, and Lego Juniors). Minecraft is too advanced for Merritt but Roscoe has taken to it easily.
• Consider giving audiobooks a try too: We love audiobooks for car travel because they keep the kids’ attention while still allowing them to stay engaged in what's happening in the car and out on the road–audiobooks don't seem to engross them in the same way that dvd players do. The kids have really enjoyed The Cat and the Hat and Other Stories, so for this trip I downloaded My Father’s Dragon, which is the perfect storyline for up-and-coming kindergartners, and probably kids of all ages.
• Invest in a few travel style games: 
• Open ended, and fascinating in a tactile sort of way, the kido freeplay magnatab was a huge hit. The pen brings the little magnet balls to the surface and then they use their fingers to push the designs down.
• Another travel must-have was the On-The-Go Colorblast notepad by Melissa and Doug, which held their attention for a long time. I loved stuff like this when I was a kid too.
• Pack a cooler of portable snacks: I brought a small cooler with a big waterbottle of diluted juice and another filled with water; portable yogurts and applesauce; grapes and bananas; cheese; peanut butter and jelly sandwiches; fruit snacks and fruit leathers; and gum for chewing. I also packed two meals for them that served as lunch, but these extra snacks and treats kept everyone happy in between meals, and we had plenty leftover for our second day of travel.
• Throw in a few unexpected surprises: I brought along a package of freeze-dried Neapolitan ice cream (developed for astronauts!). The kids thought it was very interesting and we had the opportunity to talk about why in the world would astronauts need to eat their ice cream freeze-dried and out of a pouch.

If you are a frequent traveler, or infrequent like us, what do you find works best to keep your littles happy while on the road?

Packing for Maine, bidding farewell to Richmond

Wetlands covered in downy seeds

On Thursday morning we leave for Maine!

The task of packing for six weeks away from home is overwhelming me now, but it will get done little by little.

I had every intention to pack light—just the essentials, with a few comfort items thrown in—but after just one day I can already tell that it's going to be tough. I'm working off a list generated over the last four or five weeks, which is helping me stay focused, but yesterday I had to talk myself out of bringing along my knitting project—a blanket that I started two summer's ago that is still unfinished—and my Spanish workbook and dictionary. I fought a strong urge to pack up my cooking and baking tools because I generally find it a little maddening to feel at home in someone else's kitchen. (Though I'm definitely bringing the dry pantry and all my herbs and spices.) Then there are myriad cookbooks I love—it's so hard to choose only a few—and the candle I want to bring, and the hand soap that I've grown fond of ... and the list goes on, but we just don't have room in the car because the BOB Duallie leaves so little space to spare. All the Lego bricks must go with us, our basic clothes and toiletries, all the dress-up clothes, a selection of art supplies, a few games and puzzles and favorite books, electronics and chargers, and blankets and sheets.

Andy will be joining us a week into the trip so he can bring up the things I forget, or think of in hindsight, and equally important he can take surplus back home with him when he leaves. I'm happy to have a little leeway; there's no stress to get this right on the first pack.

As for the 13 hour drive: it's going to be a long one. To liven things up for the kids I've been squirreling away little surprises and small treats to distribute when the "Are we there yets?" and "How much longers?" rise to crescendo. I downloaded the Lego Movie soundtrack and we'll have the iPad and plenty of snacks within reach. I anticipate stopping at least every two hours, unless they can stand more. We're taking the back route to avoid New York traffic and planning to stay overnight at a hotel in CT about eight hours into the trip. I'd like to complete the first leg by dinnertime so we have time to jump into the pool before bed.

Meanwhile, Spring has come to Richmond and I love it. I mean, I really love it. The smell of the river mud, honeysuckle, and bradford pear waft through the places we frequent most. Nature is fluorescent with new growth, bright and cheerful and animated. The sun is enthusiastic but the air is still cool, and the humidity hasn't yet debuted. I'm thrilled to be on the verge of meeting Maine and then, at the same time, I'm disappointed to say goodbye to the city and the river when this is what we've been waiting for all dark and cold, cold winter.

Do you have tips for traveling with kids? Are there stops we shouldn't miss on the drive up?

A Less is More Birthday Party, Roscoe turns 5

Roscoe turns five tomorrow and we’ve been in our usual week-long celebration mode, which I absolutely love. I adore my birthday boys and I think they know it. 

On Friday it was ice cream sundaes in the backyard with our former neighbors because our oldest kids have birthdays within a week of each other.

Tomorrow it will be a drive north to our old suburb for a visit to the Lego store and a meet up with all the grandparents for birthday dinner.

As much as I've enjoyed throwing parties with all the fixings, my energy for it has waned over the years. We knew the Lego store would be a highlight for Roscoe and I wanted to end the main festivities there but he felt strongly that he also wanted to share some time with his friends, so we planned an easy play date on Saturday to celebrate. He invited two of his buddies from preschool—they share their own little language and are so content to just hang out at the Lego table building things for hours. Their siblings and parents came too.

No fancy venue, just the preschool playground that the kids have grown to love.

No invites, just the informal relay of information to parents in passing. 

No decorations, just a motif print tablecloth that we use at home and our regular dishware. 

No coordinating food tables, just a last-minute menu chosen by Roscoe as we meandered through the aisles at the grocery store.

No organized games, just a bunch of dress up clothes laid out on benches and a big towel with a pile of Roscoe’s Lego bricks dumped in the middle.

No cake, just mango Popsicles.

Less really did feel like more and I loved the way his party came together this year.

The afternoon embodied all of Roscoe's favorite things in a practically effortless way.

I think I'm on to something.

FAQ: Maine Family Travel

We leave for Maine in three weeks! I've been fielding a lot of questions so I'm sharing an FAQ about our upcoming trip.

How did you pick Maine?

Once we decided to embrace traveling with our kids, we were incredibly inspired by all the possibilities. My heart has been pining for Europe and Greece, but after factoring in the cost of flights, and time zone changes, and our inexperience traveling abroad in general we decided not to embark on international travel right away. For the upcoming year we are staying "local" and focusing on the east coast. While we don't have a lot of experience vacationing as a family outside of the usual summer beach trips and weekend interstate jaunts, we have learned a few things about what works better for us. Andy and I are more relaxed and better able to enjoy the trip when we can keep their eating, sleeping, and playing routines as close to normal as possible. This translates to a need for a similar time zone and access to a full kitchen and living space. We like the idea of staying in one place for a longer period of time so that we can really settle in and get to know a new locality in a more intimate way. We are drawn to the wilderness of the state of Maine and when we found an affordable rental the rest just fell into place.

Where in Maine will you be staying? We are staying lakefront about a mile from the coastline, in the mid-coast region.

Do you have family or friends in Maine? No!  But happily, we do have a few friends who live, or will be vacationing, in neighboring states while we are visiting, so we will look forward to meeting up with them if we can.

Are you renting a house or staying in a hotel? We are renting a small cottage that has one bedroom, and a walk-in closet with twin bunks built-in. We will have a full kitchen but will be without a washer and dryer.

Are you driving or flying?
We are driving. It will take about 11.5 hours each way so we're going to stay the night in a hotel around the halfway point on the way there and back. I'm excited to see the sights as we drive through every state from VA to Maine.

How can Andy take 6 weeks off work? He can't! The Spring and Summer months are the busy season and so he will join us for about ten days that will overlap with father's day and his birthday week in June.

What will Andy do while you guys are away? I think he's planning to work longer hours, sleep a lot more, and start up a new routine at the gym.

Will you have any other visitors? My parents are going to stop in for a long weekend in mid-June, and another set of friends will be joining us for the fourth of July.

What highlights are you looking forward to? Because we are staying for six weeks we can explore everything that Maine has to offer at a pretty leisurely pace. The only excursion that we booked in advance is a moose safari that will give us a chance to venture inland for an overnight trip to the mountains. I've made some notes on the kinds of activities that I want to do as we bump into them, but I hope to maintain a relaxed daily routine that mirrors the one we currently keep and that includes good food, lots of downtime, and an outing in the morning or afternoon. We definitely plan to day trip North to Acadia National Park and South to Portland. Oh, and blueberry picking!

Did I miss anything? Leave a comment!

When marriage is hard, what does it take?

I don't often use this space to reflect on my marriage, but let me be honest: I wouldn't be emboldened with the courage, confidence, and resources required to fuel all my pursuits at home, at work, or anywhere else without my husband and his deep investment in our relationship and his relationship with the boys.

We were married in Lodi, California under a grove of awesome deodar trees that fanned out over the garden of a small winery. It was gorgeous, intimate, every detail thoughtfully planned and organized together. At 22 we shared a naive confidence and optimism for our future, yet only a shred of understanding for the weight of the lifetime commitment we'd just made to the other.

The unworn path of marriage is without a guide, unless you are fortunate to count on the marriage of your own parents to lead by example—but even then there are no guarantees. Much of the work of marriage happens behind closed doors, as so many transformational aspects of life often do, hidden for privacy or shame or just because that's the way it's always been. Few are privvy to what real marriage looks like until they are square in the middle of the one they claim as their own, and faced with the inevitable hardships that come with long-term love.

My shared history with Andy now covers more than half our lives, a friendship found first in the hallways of highschool where we met at age 15. Our story continued in Richmond where we went to college and then came full circle as we made our way back to DC to embark on our early careers.

One morning I woke up with double vision, which was just the beginning of a 2-year journey into the turbulent world of Grave's disease, an auto-immune disorder that had gone misdiagnosed for far too long. By then, muscle wasting had made me so weak that even the most inconsequential aspects of my day had become serious physical burdens: getting dressed, standing on the metro, walking ten minutes to my office. Other symptoms—an inability to sleep, a racing heart, and tremors in my hands—made me feel on the verge of losing my mind. I had been told for months that I had anxiety and needed to "stop thinking so hard about everything." Finally, I went to Georgetown University Hospital for a second opinion.

Once formally diagnosed, we put our plans to have a baby on hold and devoted our energy to my care. At 23 I had to brave the health care system and make some really big decisions about treatment options in light of myriad side effects and longterm outcomes. The burden was oppressive at the time. The physical and emotional stress was so intense and I felt alone in the worst ways possible. Depression had begun to creep in, and I truly wanted to be free from all of it. I wanted to be well again, I wanted a baby. The pain of being sick and unable, and without ability to plan for our future, I wanted to forfeit my responsibilities. The bad and the good, I wanted out.

When it mattered most, when our marriage was in the darkest and rockiest place we've ever gone together, it was a sliver of hope and the bold decision to separate (under the supervision of a therapist) that gave each of us the space and opportunity we both needed to care for ourselves (to debrief on what had come before) and then to knowingly, as adults, choose our marriage again.

I'm so grateful for that. For light in the face of darkness and for the freedom to be separate and together.

To make that choice, over and over again, throughout our long lives, I imagine this to be the true work of marriage. Because to walk away would have been far easier.

Our 16 year relationship has been genuine in its existence. It has been dark, and muddy. It has been bright. With such a young start, we effectively grew up together practicing and learning how to treat (and not treat) the one we loved most. I'm not proud of all of it, but that is the truth and it is life. As very real and complex as our faults and fears and vices and temptations have been, what proved to be stronger was a vision we shared for what could be, a hopeful intention to persevere, a willingness to forgive, but ultimately an effort on both our parts to stay engaged.

Taking that first step—to re-engage—it didn't come easily or simply, I had been out of practice for so long. Grave's disease had served as a catalyst, bringing to the forefront an accumulation of many little things in our relationship that had gone un-addressed over the first 9 years. I let the circumstance convince me that I could give up because it was hard.

Now, with 9 years of marriage in our back pocket and as we emerge from the first intense years of parenting (Roscoe turns 5 this month!), we're both feeling an electric appreciation for how we have shaped our history, and how our history has shaped our marriage. If there is one thing that I learned through our experience, it is that every couple gets to write their own contract in marriage. We get to choose the scaffolding that bounds our relationships. We don't have to conform to what we think marriage ought to be. We get to create the marriage that resonates within us.

We've won out so far. A deepened love the prize. A solid marriage the outcome.

We win! We win! We win!

We've earned a life partner equally matched in intensity, and dreaming ways, and a willingness to take risks, and an eagerness to continue to create and live a good life together, and best of all the privilege to co-parent these two maniacal boys that we've borne.

Second chances. They can be hard to come by but they are worth it. Happy 9th Anniversary to the love of my life. With all my heart.