It's not you, it's me.

Tonight while at the gym, I realized that spandex may no longer be suitable as workout attire, at least until my real baby belly starts to show. While breaking my sweat and feeling strong, I also felt self conscious about the way my quickly disappearing waistline was highlighted by my oh so streeetchy pants and hoodie.

I remember an in-between unpleasant wardrobe development probably a few weeks further along in my last pregnancy. It lasted at least a month, and consisted of a transition period in which I had to make a big decision: wear my pants over or under my belly. Over equated to "muffin top", under equated to ....belly hanging over pants. Lose-lose!

I don't recall what my solution was, but I fear that I have just entered that awkward point in time yet again.

Maybe some maternity workout pants are in order?

Momma's Monday Check-in: 8/40

Note: McFatty Mondays is no longer!! Instead, I will be posting Momma's Monday Check-in. Join me as I eat and exercise my way through the next 32 weeks.

Due Date: April 8, 2011

Total weight gain: 1

Morning Sickness: Is at its worst in the evening, which is driving me nuts.

Cravings: Last week was bizarre, and this week I only want to eat clean food! Spicy is out, cheese, eggs, and tomatoes are still in.

Sleep: I wake many nights around 3:30am and stay up until 5:30/6:00am, which really makes the daytime tough.

I can't live without: My Snoogle pillow, even though I'm still tossing and turning.

I miss: Exercise!

I am looking forward to: I know it's a little early but I'm trying to figure out what we're going to dress up as a family for Halloween. Any ideas?

Aha Moment: My new first trimester mantra: "I'm not out of shape, I'm just pregnant."

Milestones: Seeing Little Sears (and a beating heart) on Ultrasound!

Best moment this week: Getting a surprise sneak peak at our little embryo

Exercise: I more or less gave myself permission to take a break this week, and I have to remind myself to think long term. After five days of little more than couch lounging I slept well Friday night, and woke up with a strong desire to go running. So I did. Three miles later I felt great and I think the important thing at this stage is to take advantage of the moments when I do feel like exercising, and cut myself some slack when I'm too tired or nauseated to put forth the effort. There are only a few weeks left of the first trimester blahs, and after that I'll be back to my routine with plenty of time for working on pregnancy fitness.

Diet: The good thing about having a "bad" week is that the icky feeling that lingers is usually all the motivation I need to refocus. This week I'm getting back to whole foods and structured meals and snacks--not 24 hour buffet.

Goal's for the upcoming week: Take advantage of the mornings when I typically feel good--runs, walks, gym time, I don't care what the activity. And if it works out that I'm in the mood for breaking a sweat in the evening as well, all the better.

Belly Shot:

Movement: none

Gender: unknown

Labor Signs: none

Lil Joeys

For only 8 weeks, we're already feeling incredibly prepared for this baby.

We know where I plan to give birth, who will attend, and are thisclose to contracting our favorite photographer. A nursery of furniture is at the ready, as well as all the newborn essentials--including a perfectly timed seasonal wardrobe if we have another boy.

I've been trying so very hard to find something to buy to commemorate this pregnancy, but to my dismay we don't need much! And I would like to wait to find out the gender before I indulge in a few outfits and gender specific accessories--not to mention THE NURSERY!!

Out of all the baby stuff we bought for Roscoe, there aren't any items that I regret purchasing (although we did not get ideal use out of the boppy pillow, I thought it was too cumbersome for nursing), and I haven't come across many compelling new baby items released since Roscoe's birth--maybe because it wasn't very long ago.

There are some areas, however, like diapering, that I hope to improve on the second time around. For one, we were a little apprehensive at first and opted to use disposables in the beginning, in part because 80 diapers a week sounded a little daunting but also because Roscoe stayed small for so long and just didn't fit into the one-size Bum Genius until he was over two months old. Once we got started it didn't take long before we were hooked and using the BGs exclusively.

Little Sears will have a bum swaddled in cloth starting from day one.

I just bought a pair of Rumparooz's Lil Joeys. Aren't they cool?

They fit babies 4-12 pounds and will hopefully bridge the gap until our little one grows big enough to fit into the BGs. For lack of branching out, I'm a fan of All in Ones and this diaper doesn't even have an insert--sounds pretty easy to me! They also a snap down front to protect the cord until it falls off. I ordered the Kangarooz pattern for its gender neutral appeal.

I'm open to trying out new systems and I could use a boost in confidence to venture into the realm of fitted diapers.

What system did you choose for your newborn and what did you love most about it? Where did you buy them? What are your tips!?

Random Rant: I heart the first trimester

Another exhausting day is coming to a close. I'm sitting on the couch again, instead of breaking a sweat at the gym, or even making the rounds in the neighborhood. I'm just too tired to move.

Being pregnant with a toddler is hard work!

Today I was a lump of a Momma. After hanging out around the house in the morning, and after naptime (for everyone!), we went to the grocery store to stock up for the week. While I droned around the store picking and piling things into our cart, Roscoe sat in the car up front (Wegman's cart design is ingenious--although the ones we have at our store are brown, not colorful and fun like this one (found in NY)):

Random Internet Photo

He was content gnawing on a pretzel roll, and I moved at a snail's pace thankful that he was occupied and that I wasn't required to carry him in my arms or worse, corral him in the case that he wanted to walk on his own. That moment came later when we approached THE TRAIN, at which point he practically bucked himself out of the car to run frantically to and fro as the train circled on its track above our heads.

Roscoe was directly in the line of shopping traffic, going nuts over the train and I just stood there with my eyebrows raised (in excitement!!!!! Can you feel it?) and a smile plastered on my face trying to be enthusiastic for him, when really I just wanted to eat something really bad for me and then fall asleep for the rest of the day.

We made it home in one piece, but it was only two o'clock!

Roscoe proceeded to ransack every common area in the house, while I supervised from the sidelines. And as I sit typing this, the house remains a disaster area. Sorry Andy, I just can't do it.

And let's not talk about how much I've been eating! Actually, lets! Five Guy's for dinner last night? Zoe's Kitchen for lunch yesterday, AND today? McDonald's vanilla cone? 3 Panera Bagels with Cream Cheese? Bubble Tea? Random things covered in cheese and hot sauce? Yes, please.

Not all in one day, of course. But I'm starting to feel a little gross.

I've been waking up in the middle of the night with a painfully empty stomach, and unable to sleep. I'm just so hungry. And so tired. And so lazy. And food is terribly elusive these days. Oh Dear.

I also think I look about 16 weeks pregnant....ugh. My belly appears to have developed a "memory" and is assuming a pregnancy state quite effortlessly. I've decided that having good posture and holding my abs in while I stand is too uncomfortable, so squishy belly: I release you!!

I just hope I don't gain 100 pounds over the next 8 months! The good news is that I am 2/3 of the way through the first trimester, and relief should be coming soon.

In the meantime, I'm so grateful for Andy who takes morning duty, and also covers Roscoe's bedtime routine, which gives me two extra hours of sleep and nightly relief starting at 6pm. Ah yes, I couldn't do this alone.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (a birthday recap)

I turned 28 on Saturday the 14th, so this post is quite overdo. But I couldn't let August pass without sharing at least a few highlights. If I do say so myself, this year's birthday revelry was fabulous! I closed the books on 27, and rang in my 28th with all my favorite people and things.

Festivities were kicked off a week early when I was whisked away for the day by my sister and my mom. First, it was Mary Poppins off Broadway: I had no idea the storyline contained so many inspiring themes. The positive affects that a good nanny can have on an entire household, the value of appreciating people for who they are, the juggling act that is being a mother and wife, the importance of putting people first and being a good judge of character, the magic that is true love, the way that parenting comes full circle across generations, the importance of standing behind your man, and finally, the bittersweet nature of a child's growing independence.

With every job when it's complete
There is a sense of bittersweet
That moment when you know the task is done
Though in your heart you'd like to stay
To help things on their way
You've always known
They must do it alone
There. Practically perfect, and I hope it remains so.

Viewed through my "Momma Lens" I was a tearful mess! But then it was time for dinner on the waterfront. A new restaurant, creative and fresh squeezed beverages...I was in heaven! And that was before dessert had even arrived.

My actual birthday was spent at the zoo--an experience that I've been wanting to share as a family all Summer. I was not at all disappointed with Roscoe's enthusiasm for the animals--in fact it really made my day. It was so humid, and so crowded, the Duallie made a perfect Chariot for Roscoe and his many accoutrement's. We're planning another visit when the weather cools and the tourists vacate the city.

Later that night, our friends surprised me with cupcakes from a new cupcakery. They were perfect and Little Sears was so happy with the four cupcakes that Momma shared with her (there I said it, here's to the possibility that there's a baby girl abrewin').

And here's to the year ahead, which is beginning to look awfully full and mighty good!

Baby update

Introducing Little Sears:

Our little embryo measured ahead at 7 weeks, 3 days with a heartbeat of 138. The tech could find no explanation for the spotting.

Looks like Little Sears may be in it for the long haul, after all!

Momma's Monday Check-in (7/40)

Note: McFatty Mondays is no longer!! Instead, I will be posting Momma's Monday Check-in. Join me as I eat and exercise my way through the next 33 weeks.

Due Date: April 2011

Total weight gain: 0

Morning Sickness: Still going strong! If only I could lie around all day and watch tv while sipping lemonade.

Cravings: Out of control. If it's not steak, I'll eat it. Sriracha has been a staple all week. Eggs and cheddar cheese follow closely behind.

Sleep: Napping when Roscoe naps saves the day!

I can't live without: I've been pouring over baby name books and websites. Nameberry is my current favorite. We thought we had a girl's name finalized (and leftover from Roscoe's naming event) but now there are new, even more intriguing names to consider. We're more or less at ground zero on both fronts.

I miss: Our pre-parent days of lazing about and sleeping late into the morning.

I am looking forward to: Learning more about what Little Sears is up to. We have an ultrasound scheduled for 1 pm today.

Aha Moment: Even though my norm shifted some with all the spotting I experienced during my first pregnancy, it still sucks the wind from my sails.

Best moment this week: Andy and I went out on a real date to a fancy restaurant. It was refreshing to get dressed up and go out as a couple. I was like a kid in a candy store, picking my meal off the menu. Falling asleep on the way home was a fun way to end the night :)

Workout Recap: I had plans to take a spin class and ride the elliptical machine on Saturday and Sunday, but I wasn't really in the mood after Saturday morning's discovery.

Monday--3.7 mile run

Tuesday--cardio kickboxing class at my other gym

Wednesday--OFF

Thursday--OFF

Friday--3 mile walk

Saturday--OFF

Sunday-- OFF

Diet: I indulged a lot of my cravings this week but things still seem to be on track--luckily I haven't been craving banana splits or cheese fries! With work and Roscoe to manage it feels like I'm going non-stop, and all-day fatigue and general malaise have required what feels like constant refueling. I try to make the most of every meal and snack, but when we're on the run it can be hard to execute. I've found that Starbuck's Vivanno Smoothies (with 6 grams of fiber and 18 grams of protein) make a satisfying snack or an easy lunch.

Goal's for the upcoming week: Hopefully this week will bring less rain (and cooler temps) because I'm ready to get back to our long walks and runs. I'd also like to make up for this past week's relative inactivity--Spin is on my list, and I still have a date with the Elliptical.

Belly Shot:

Movement: none

Gender: unknown

Labor Signs: none

Spotting

Since Roscoe's birth the pace of time has been marvelous.

Suspend. Individual days are made up of hours that are made up of minutes that tick, tick, tick, along. I take it all in, every last second, and remind myself to try to remember these moments, because they will never ever happen again.

Accelerate. Fifteen months have passed, the Summer of 2010 is over, and our little guy sleeps in his own bed, through the night (the swing banished from the nursery, once and for all!). He walks and runs, offering his love and affection all day long. Eats with forks and spoons, plays games that he makes up as he goes along, demonstrates a sense of humor, and an ear for a good beat.

I've been profoundly appreciative for both extremes of the pendulum of time.

Tomorrow I'll have 7 weeks behind me and by this time next week Little Sears will have grown to be a 1/2 inch long. Captivated by Time's continuous hand, I am not too surprised that this pregnancy, just one of the many parts that make up our life at this moment, moves at an about equal pace to the rest.

Last time, it felt like forever happened before I made it to seven weeks. Last time I was gripped with anxiety over miscarriage and other unfortunate events not within my control. Last time I had spotting and everything worked out just fine.

This time, I'm much more content. More relaxed. More knowing of what this process is, and how it works, and what waits for me at the end of it. Birth. A squishy little baby. A family of four. A sibling relationship that will last for a whole lifetime. We love Little Sears. And we've already imagined a good life with him/her in it.

Rewind back to this morning, when I noticed what is never considered to be a good sign: spotting.

It lasted through the morning and now nothing. I've had a few episodes of lower back discomfort, but I wouldn't categorize it as cramping. It's Saturday so there will be no confirmation of anything in particular until Monday at the earliest.

Suspended, we wait.